How To Mend A Broken Heart How To Mend A Broken Heart
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Virginia Wagstaff arrived home that evening frustrated and furious
at Fitzwilliam Darcy. How dare he bring my departed husband into
our affairs! What can I do or say
when he tells me he feels guilty about taking Lemuel’s place in my bed.
Reaching her dressing room, she dismissed her maid and tore off her clothing. Walking naked into her bed chamber, she began throwing pillows at the head of her bed, punching them in her fit of pique. Climbing into bed, she settled herself against the pillows and began massaging her breasts working her way to her nipples and teasing them until they hurt.
Moving a hand between her legs, she began fingering herself,
but it was not what she wanted. Looking
over at the box on the table by her bed, she reached over to pick it up. Frowning, she set it back. Inside the box was her most prized possession
these last few months. It was a piece of
jade that she had found in a shop selling imports from
Climbing out of bed, she walked to the door that led to the outer hallway. Opening it just wide enough to see that no one was about, she saw that only Tom, the footman, was at his post. Opening the door further, she walked out into the hallway and called to him. Tom immediately rose, and she motioned him to come forward. Turning she went back into her room and sat on the edge of the bed. Lying back, she placed her heels on the edge with her knees in the air and spread her legs.
When Tom arrived at her door, she said, “Close the door and bolt the lock, then come here.”
Doing as she said, he walked over and stood before her.
Slightly exasperated at him, she commanded, “What are you waiting for, drop your breeches. I am in desperate need of your services.”
It was not but a trice until his breeches were hanging at his knees. With one hand resting on her kneecap, his other was guiding his erection into her warmth.
Both emitted a low moan as he plunged deeply into her. Quickly building his pace, it was not long before she could feel him reaching his climax and quickly scooted back so he would not release into her. That was one consequence of her actions tonight that she could not risk.
Standing by the bed, Tom watched his mistress stretch her arms above her head while he held his limp penis in his hand hoping to achieve another erection so he would not be dismissed. When she arched her back, he asked, “Will there be anything else, ma’am?”
Tom hung his head while he vigorously tried to gain another erection.
“Tom?” she queried.
“Begging your pardon, ma’am, but I am sure that I can still be of service to you in less time than it would take to fetch Fred.”
Getting on her knees she walked on them over to where he stood by the side of the bed. Taking his hands, she placed them on her breasts. Using her own hands, she skillfully placed them where she would gain her desired result. Once that was achieved, she turned and on her hands and knees crawled to the center of the bed. With her legs spread wide and her bottom in the air, she called, “Well, what are you waiting for? ”
Tom pulled up his breeches, pooled around his knees, enough to scramble on the bed. On his knees, he positioned himself between her legs and grasped her hips. With one powerful thrust, he was deep within her. Pulling almost out of her core, he plunged in more forceful than the last. His urgency was evident.
Calling for him to slow down, she reached between her legs to find her climax. Once she achieved her orgasm, she could feel him about to achieve his, pushing off of him just as he erupted. She collapsed on the bed and he on top of her. Enjoying the feel of a man’s weight on top of her, she let him rest a bit before rolling him off of her.
Rolling on her back, she looked over into Tom’s eager face. Placing her hand on his cheek, she said, “Tom, you had better go rest a bit. I will have need for you later. Send Fred up in the meantime.”
With a disappointed look on his face, Tom pushed himself off the bed and stood by the bed facing her, still naked from his waist to his knees. Fondling his manhood that was not yet limp nor was it fully erect, he gave her one last pleading look.
Laughing, she responded, “Later, Tom, definitely later.”
With that, he pulled up his breeches and fastened them. He walked to the door. With one last longing look over his shoulder, he unbolted the bed chamber door and left the room.
Lying back on her bed,
Thinking back to her two eager young men, she remembered
when she returned to
Alternating their posts every few days, she found much for them to do within her chambers, especially for the one manning the upstairs. The boys were young and eager and quite suited her needs until she realized that Fitzwilliam Darcy had developed a decided interest in her. To the great disappointment of her young lads, she informed them that she could no longer risk the consequences of their nightly endeavors.
She saw the surprise and the lust on young Tom’s face earlier when she appeared naked in the hallway. She could just image Fred’s expression when Tom relieved him to attend the Mistress in her chambers. She had all the celibacy she could handle! She knew she would have to be careful with the boys as they did tend to get carried away, but they were a much better solution to her frustration than a jade dildo.
By dawn, Virginia Wagstaff lay exhausted, quickly slipping into a deep sleep as Tom slipped from her room. The huge smile on her face could only be attributed to her contentment of the night just passed and her anticipation for the night to come.
The hour before dawn found Elizabeth Bennet lying in her bed wide awake. She had gotten little sleep as her dreams were so vivid and explicit that they woke her up with her body thrumming with excitement and anticipation.
Dreams of Mr. Darcy laying between her legs; hovering over
her; kissing her face, her lips, and then going lower to kiss her breasts as
his manhood nestled in the folds between her legs. She could feel the ache of yearning for him
to enter her, making her feel whole. And
then she would wake with a start when he would whisper to her, “
Tears would come, and she would cry herself back to sleep, only to repeat the dream. She knew she would not, could not get any rest this night and resigned herself to her thoughts.
Now, as she lay awake, she thought about her future. She laughed at the irony of her claiming spinsterhood because she was afraid of what a man does to a woman when they are intimate to now claiming that state because she could not have the man she loved in that way.
How am I going to face
him after that wanton display of last evening?
You will face him; you have to.
He is just as guilty as you. I
should not have responded to him in such a way, but I cannot regret my
actions. You will know the next time you
see him whether he was disgusted by your actions. He did not seem disgusted last night when he
returned from the terrace – you are just worrying for nothing. Please, Mr. Darcy, please do not think badly
of me.
How am I going to stay
here seeing him every day? I could run
back to Hertfordshire. No, I am not a coward, besides I cannot seem to leave
him. Just seeing him brings me joy. I will not give up any memories of him and
the more I have, the more I will have to live on. What about the memories of him with Mrs.
Wagstaff? I will forget them; I only
want those memories that give me pleasure.
How did I come to give
my heart so freely to him, of all people?
I have always had a decided reaction to him, both for good and bad. There must have always been an attraction
there, but I let my pride and my prejudice blind me to the essence of the man,
and now I will have to live with these regrets for the rest of my life. I will never truly have him, but he will
always have my heart.
Rising from the bed,
Realizing there was a park across the street, she quickly dressed and pinned up her hair. Grabbing her bonnet and pelisse, she quietly slipped from her room and headed to the back stairs. There was a seldom used door at the bottom that opened onto the alleyway which led to the street. She needed to be alone and did not want a footman tagging along after her, which was sure to happen if anyone realized that she had gone out.
Remembering there were reasons why proper young ladies do not go out on their own, she smiled at the thought that last night she had not been a proper lady when she dispatched Sir Arnold. With a new boldness in her ability to take care of herself, she quickened her step. Conveniently forgetting she also did not behave as a proper young lady when she accepted and returned Mr. Darcy advances.
The
morning was foggy but not thick enough to block the view of where she was
going, only foggy enough to give the park an eerie feel. She walked briskly to the path that would
take her to a bench that was situated against a high brick wall. She thought she could sit there and think while
still being cognizant of her surroundings, especially if she did not have to
watch behind her.
Reaching the path she desired, she veered off the main pathway. Walking rapidly until she came to a bend. When she turned around the bend, she looked up and saw a man standing in the middle of pathway.
Frightened, she turned to run when she heard a familiar voice call out, “Elizabeth?!”
Darcy sat in an overstuffed chair with his bare feet resting on a stool, warming them by the fire. He had not slept since returning from the ball except to doze off for quarter hour here and there. His body was too keyed up to rest.
He could still feel
Knowing he should feel shame and regret, he could not. The reality of holding Elizabeth, kissing her, allowing his manhood to rub against her, had been so sublime that he could not feel remorse for his actions.
Thank G-d, she had the
strength to stop because I was lost to everything around us. There was only she and I in the world,
nothing nor no one else mattered. I have
never lost myself in such a way that I was not cognizant of my
surroundings. Oh!
Rising from his chair, he walked into his dressing room and dressed.
He wanted desperately to talk to her to find out her feelings. Knowing it would be difficult, given Lady Suzan’s dictates, he would have to satisfy himself by getting as close to her as he could.
Locating his hat and coat, he slipped out of the house and headed for the park. He would go down their path until he could stand and watch Crandall House without being seen.
As he neared the bend in the walkway that would take him to the main path, he heard footsteps. Stopping, he wanted to see if it was friend or foe.
To his great surprise, it was Elizabeth, and she was alone. She turned to leave when she saw him, he called out to her.
“
Turning, she looked into his eyes.
“Eliza…er…Miss Bennet, Good Morning!” he said.
Lowering her eyes, she responded, “Mr. Darcy, Good Morning to you!”
“You should not be out here alone, so early,” he stated with concern.
“I needed some air, sir. Besides, I have been emboldened by my skills of defending myself after last night,” she explained, with her head lowered to hide her embarrassment.
After giving her a slight wince, he smiled, “Yes, you have definitely demonstrated your ability to handle a desperate situation.”
“Mr. Darcy?”
“Miss Bennet?”
They both exclaimed at the same time.
“Pray, continue, Miss Bennet,” Darcy said.
“Mr. Darcy, I must apologize to you for my behavior last night. I am not sure what came over me,” she said as she looked him in the eye to determine his feelings on their encounter of the previous evening.
“Miss Bennet, it is I who should apologize for putting you in such a precarious situation,” he retaliated. “You owe me no apology.”
“But…”
“Miss Bennet, I take full responsibility for what happened last night.”
They stood looking into each other’s eyes trying to determine the other’s thoughts.
Finally,
Nodding his head, he returned her smile. “Conceded, Miss Bennet.”
Taking a deep breath, he answered, “Your good opinion of me.”
Gazing upon him with a confused expression on her countenance, she stated, “But you already have that.” Lowering her head, she muttered, “And more.”
Darcy looked at her hardly believing the meaning of her quiet ‘and more’. Boldly he asked, “Does that mean that I have your affections, as well.”
Looking away from him, she nodded.
He stepped forward and put his hands on her upper arms, “Elizabeth, my feelings for you have not changed since I declared them at Hunsford parsonage. I still ardently admire and love you.”
She looked at him with her mouth agape. Recovering from her shock of his admission, she stated, “But you have engaged yourself to Mrs. Wagstaff.”
“May I explain my reasons?” he asked sincerely.
Again she nodded her head, eagerly awaiting what he had to say.
Darcy motioned to a nearby bench for them to be seated but she declined with a shake of her head.
Taking a moment to compose his thoughts, he began, “When I
left you after that disastrous proposal, I was angry, then hurt. It was not until I went to Pemberley that
summer before I could examine it all rationally. I realized the truth of your statements. All
of my life I had been taught duty and responsibility, taught to follow a code
of honor. I had been given good
principles but not made to follow them.
Working hard and practicing, I finally felt the need to find you and see
if I could earn a second chance with the most worthy woman of my acquaintance,
to show you that I could be a man whom you could admire and respect. My
avenues of finding a way to address you again were blocked until I remembered
that you had been visiting the Collinses the past spring. For the first time in my life, I was excited
to visit Lady Catherine. There is where
I learned of the troubles with your family.
However, I was resolved to find you and beg for another chance to win
your favor, but no one seemed to know where you had gone. I even sent out men to canvas all the estate
agents in Hertfordshire and the surrounding counties looking for a family that
met your family’s description. I even
had them canvas
“And I was at Stanfield Hall with Lady Webberley all that time,” she said.
“I never knew of that connection or I would have been on the doorstep, beating down the door.” He gave her a weak smile. “At that time, I was lost and then Mrs. Wagstaff came back into my life. I have known her for many years. I have always enjoyed her company and that of her late husband’s. I found myself not quite so lonely when I was with her. Though I was not necessarily sure that I wished her for a marriage partner, I did like the times I spent with her.” Stopping to take a breath, he then continued, “While I was Cornwall, I realized how empty and lonely my life was. Knowing that Georgiana would be coming out and probably soon to leave me…I decided if I could not have you, I needed to move on in my life. When I returned to Town, I asked her to marry me though most of my family had assumed I would sooner or later. Then…”
“You walked into your aunt’s drawing room to find me as her guest,” she stated with a smile as she gently shook her head.
“Yes, you cannot imagine how shocked I was.” He laughed. “Then again you were there so you know my reaction to finding you again.”
They stood looking at each other for a few moments. Neither sure of what to say next until Darcy broke the silence. “All the time I searched for you, it pained me to think you were out in the world thinking ill of me. I know I could never live with myself if I did not, at least, try to improve your opinion of me.”
“You have done an admirable job as I now find my feelings for you have changed from what they were three years ago,” she said before lowering her head to continue in a low voice, “In fact, I believe they are quite the opposite.”
Darcy stepped forward and drew her into his embrace before
saying, “Oh!
As he held her, he could not help the tears that pooled in his eyes. She loves me!
They stood holding each other as the misty morning shielded them from the world. They reveled in the sensations of being in each other’s arms, to feel the connection their love for each other brought them. It was magical; it was mystical; and when their moment was over there was going to be monumental pain for them to endure.
Elizabeth had wrapped her arms around his waist when he embraced her, but now she moved her hands to his chest to push away.
Not wanting to lose their connection he relented by placing his hands on her upper arms, the fear she would leave him his main concern. Knowing that what she would say next was not something he wished to hear, he still could not let her go.
“William…”
He smiled at her reference to his name that Georgiana and his aunt used in lieu of his full name, which Mrs. Wagstaff and the rest of the family used.
“…despite our heartfelt confessions, we are still in the same state of affairs as we were before we stepped foot in this park,” she sadly said.
“Elizabeth, you are wrong,” he cried vehemently. “Everything is different!”
“No, you are still betrothed to Mrs. Wagstaff and you cannot change that.”
“But I can…” he went to protest.
“NO! You cannot. To do so will bring scandal to you and your family and the ruination to your good name. I will not allow you to do that.”
“
“NO! Mr. Darcy! Your honor, your word, and your respectability will be called into question if you break your engagement. These qualities are the essence of the gentleman I love. I will not allow you to lose those things that define you. I would rather forever remember that I love a man who loves me than to watch our love fade as resentment and shame for what we have done forces a rift between us.”
“
“Can you be so sure?” she asked.
Shaking his head, he replied, “No, I cannot, but I do know that there is nothing that will stop me from loving you.”
“Once you make your vows to Mrs. Wagstaff there will be no turning back. Our lives will travel down different paths. Your honor will not allow you to take me as a mistress nor would I allow you to discredit your wedding vows.” She looked at him intently. “But before you take your vows, may I ask one favor of you, William?”
“You should know that anything you ask of me will be my pleasure to afford you,” he declared.
“Before I return home and begin to live the rest of my life, I would like to know what it is to be a woman--- a woman who knows the intimacies of being with a man she loves.” She looked at him expectantly.
Astonished by her request, he hardly knew what to say. He wondered if she truly had thought things through and knew of how this request would affect her future. After a few moments, he spoke, “While I would like nothing better to accede to your wishes, are you sure this is what you want? What will you tell your husband? What if there are consequences from our time together?”
“William, I will not marry. Have you not heard me say so in the past?”
He smiled slightly as his nodded his head.
“When I leave here, I will take with me fond memories of my time with you. You have my heart, and I do not wish to give it to another; there will be no other gentleman in my life or my heart but you. As for the consequences of our union, my happiness will be complete if I have a part of you with me always,” she said as tears welled in her eyes.
Astounded by her request, he was at a lost for what to say
so he pulled her into his embrace, “
Putting her arms around his neck, she stood on tiptoes and placed a sweet, chaste kiss on his lips.
One small kiss was not enough for him and soon he was fervently returning her kiss which only caused her to reciprocate his actions until they were both clinging to each other, needing to feel the other’s body as part of their own. Darcy’s hands wandered down her back until they rested on her buttocks, unable to resist. He used their position to press her tightly against his turgid erection.
Darcy was near to losing his control as he slipped his hand under her pelisse to touch a breast. Her gasp only encouraged him to use his thumb and forefinger to squeeze the taut bud of her nipple. The low guttural moan which emanated from her caused him to reach up and untie his cravat; his need to feel skin against skin overtook him. That is until he broke from the kiss to realize that they were in the park and not in his bed chamber.
Stepping back two steps and gasping for air, he saw such a look of rejection on her face that he would never have wanted to see there.
“Mr. Darcy, I believe it is best that I return to Crandall House,” she stated with tears running down her cheeks, the pain of his desertion written plainly on her face.
“
Relief that she had done nothing wrong spread across her face as she gave him a slight smile and said, “In that case, then it is definitely best that I return.”
“Yes, it probably is, at least for my sake. Though I am hard-pressed to leave your company,” he replied somewhat dejectedly.
Smiling sweetly, she said, “Until later.” She turned and began to walk down the path from whence she came.
“Until later,” he said softly as he watched her walk away,
her figure disappearing into the misty morn like an ethereal being or a
dream. But his body told him that it was
not a dream. His
Still stunned by her revelations, he turned and walked back to Darcy House. Upon reaching his dressing room, he was startled to see his valet there.
“Mr. Darcy, we wondered where you had gotten off to,” his valet stated.
“I needed some fresh air,” was Darcy’s reply. “I did not get much sleep last night and wish to rest now. You are dismissed. Please inform the servants that I do not wish to be disturbed.”
“Yes, sir. Very good, sir.” His valet set aside what he was doing and left the room.
Darcy quickly stripped off his clothing and walked into his bed chamber. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he looked down at his still erect manhood. Wrapping his hand around it, he flopped back on the bed. However, his lack of sleep and the emotional turmoil of his encounter with Elizabeth, was all too much and did not allow him his release. The minute his head hit the mattress, he fell into an exhausted sleep.
Thus he would later be found in the same position.
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