The Mistress of Pemberley, Part C
Despite his weakened condition, Darcy awoke out of habit at daybreak. He began to rouse himself before he remembered the details of his late night visit with Elizabeth. While he treasured her concern for his well-being and admired her confidence in coming to his room, his first impulse was to disregard her entreaties and conduct his day as he had planned.
As he felt the persistent throb of his headache, he began to reconsider. He had to admit that her modifications to his schedule made abundant sense. Sleeping late would do him a world of good and it would not matter if he met with his solicitor at dinnertime. He would miss the opera, and while he might have enjoyed the performance on another occasion, he knew he was too sick to do so tonight.
But if Elizabeth’s plan was superior to his, why did he feel so uneasy taking her advice? He knew part of it stemmed from his discomfort in disappointing her family. He had said that he would host them in his box and he was failing to honor his offer. They would all attend in any regard, but his absence would be noted.
But if the truth be told, it was more than that. He felt - for wont of a better word - weak. He had always prided himself on fulfilling all his commitments no matter what the cost. That was why he was so discriminating in accepting an obligation. Once he gave his word, it was the deciding factor in dictating his conduct. His personal discomfort was unimportant. But he could not lie to himself. He was sick and exhausted and he hardly felt up to completing his estate obligations, let alone surviving a night of socializing. But was the fact that he was feeling under the weather really a sufficient excuse to selfishly spend the morning in bed? He knew that if it were Elizabeth or Georgiana, the answer would be clear. Their health came first. But they were women. He was held to a higher standard. But if he were honest with himself, he would come to the same conclusion if it were Bingley or his cousin. The truth of the matter was that he held himself to a higher standard because he felt that more was expected of him and he took pride in that.
That thought immediately brought Elizabeth to mind. He could see her reaction both to such a sentiment and to his decision to disregard all she had done to force his hand to get him to rest. Ultimately, what was stopping him was the anticipation of her disapprobation if he were to ignore her advice. It was so much simpler when he did not have to take another person's opinion into account. Most women would not feel free to question his choices and would hardly feel confident challenging him if he were to disregard their wishes. But that was a lesson he had already learnt. She was not like other women. She was strong-willed and he desired her respect as much as much her love. Her opinion of him mattered and not just because he did not want to awaken her ire. If she thought he was acting inappropriately, he needed to listen to her. What was actually holding him back from accepting her advice was concern over how someone else might view his actions if he did. His pride was at stake, even if only he thought so.
He knew full well what Elizabeth would think of such an argument. He thought it ironic that Elizabeth held concern for his pride in so little regard when she was not without a certain amount of pride herself. He thought back to their recent disagreement regarding her willingness to learn how to ride. He knew that her initial reluctance stemmed from her unwillingness to admit a weakness -- her fear of horses. As he recalled their exchange over his efforts to get her to learn to ride, the memory of it convinced him to take her advice now. Despite her reluctance to undertake that endeavor, she had capitulated. She had trusted him to see more clearly what was to her benefit than herself and had resisted the temptation to blindly adhere to her position out of stubbornness. Maybe that was what was required to forge a strong union between two opinionated people - a willingness to put aside one’s pride and listen to another's advice on subjects where their own perceptions were clouded by weaknesses. If she had been willing to do it for him, he owed her as much.
It felt odd, though, letting someone else decide the course of his day. He had been the unchallenged master of his choices for so long. But maybe such compromises were what was entailed in becoming a couple. He knew it would be folly to cede such authority if he did not trust his partner, but he did implicitly trust her. Elizabeth’s actions the previous night confirmed his convictions. Her motive in even broaching the subject stemmed completely from her concern over his well-being and her devotion was heart warming. She had clearly chosen to speak to him in private, at great risk to her reputation, in order to avoid any chance of embarrassing him if her rebuke was overheard. She had told her family that he could not attend the opera because of conflicting business concerns intuitively knowing that he would be uncomfortable admitting to a physical weakness. While it was true that she had interfered in his estate business, she had accomplished it in the most unobtrusive manner possible. On the whole, he had very little to complain about. With a mixture of exhaustion and resolve, he called his valet in.
"Good morning, Robert. I am not feeling particularly well today so I have decided to take the morning to rest." Ignoring his valet's questioning look, Darcy continued on. "Would you please let Miss Georgiana know that I will not be down for breakfast and that she should see to the arrangements for lunch? Before I return to sleep, I need to send Mr. Bingley a note. Please see that it is delivered immediately. You will also need to confirm that Mr. Lynch has rescheduled our meeting with my solicitor from this morning to this evening. I will not be attending the opera. Mr. Bingley will escort my sister and both of our guests. Wake me when Colonel Fitzwilliam arrives, but otherwise, only disturb me if there is a pressing matter."
*********
Elizabeth and Georgiana were in the parlor when Colonel Fitzwilliam was announced. Elizabeth had been relieved to hear from Georgiana at breakfast that her brother had sent word that he would not be attending the opera that evening and that he would be unable to join them for breakfast. It was clear from Georgiana’s comments that she was concerned that Elizabeth would be disappointed by the turn of events. Elizabeth did her best to reassure her sister-to-be that she completely understood Darcy’s decision and was quite resolved with the outcome. Elizabeth could see, however, that her words failed to gain Georgiana’s confidence. It may have been a testament to Georgiana’s intuition that she doubted Elizabeth’s professions of serenity. A keen observer could see that Elizabeth was not as sanguine as she claimed. What was not clear was that her discomfort stemmed from her own behavior and not from Darcy’s conduct.
Her reunion with Colonel Fitzwilliam was marked by an ease of conversation that made Elizabeth feel more a member of the family than a guest. As the threesome made their way to the dining room for lunch, their progress was interrupted by the appearance of Darcy at the door. After welcoming his cousin, he turned his attention to Elizabeth.
“Miss Bennet, good afternoon. I was hoping to have a moment of your time if you were not too busy?”
As Elizabeth gave her consent, Georgiana swept her cousin from the room with more alacrity than was her custom. Given Georgiana’s previous concerns, she wanted to ensure that her brother had every opportunity to smooth over any hard feelings that his change of schedule might cause Elizabeth.
As the Colonel and Georgiana departed, Darcy strode to Elizabeth and took her hand and kissed it. “It appears it is much easier to get time alone with you than I imagined. I simply need to be direct.”
With a nervous laugh that expressed both her amusement and relief, Elizabeth replied, “I somehow doubt that such a tactic will suffice in the long run but I am happy to see that it has worked so well now.” Adding in a more tender tone, “I was concerned about you. How are you feeling?”
”Much better, thank you. As a matter of fact, I am feeling well enough to join the party for lunch. I have come to seek your permission?”
Elizabeth studied his demeanor to see the intent of his words, but he was unreadable. She paused for a moment. She had been worried over how he would view her late night visit in the light of day. Despite her conviction that she had acted in his best interest, she worried that she had overstepped her bounds, both by being so forward in coming to his room and by interfering in his affairs. She knew that when they were married, she would have no qualms acting as she did. As his wife, she firmly believed that she would need to exert such influence to ensure that he took proper care of himself. But she was not yet his wife and that thought had disrupted her sleep. She had woken up to consistent pangs of unease over whether her actions would seem as presumptuous to him as they now did to her.
“Sir, I . . . this is your home. I am your guest. You hardly need my permission to move within your own rooms.”
“Really, I thought I was told last night that I could only attend with your permission?”
His earnest expression unnerved her. Speaking rapidly, she said, “I feel I owe you an apology. While I am quite thankful that you took some time to rest, and I can see from your countenance that it has indeed helped you, . . . it was not my place. I see now that I should not have presumed. I know I am not yet your wife. You must think me very presumptuous. I did not mean to . . .”
“Elizabeth, what has gotten in to you? I was teasing you. I did not mean to imply that I disapproved of your actions last night. To the contrary, I so very appreciate your concern for me. I am not used to being taken care of and if I have shown my gratitude poorly, then it is I who owes you an apology.” Placing his hand under her chin to gently direct her to look at him, he added, “I love you and I am pleased that you would take my concerns so whole heartedly as your own. I did seek you out to offer a rebuke. I wanted to thank you.”
“But, I see now that telling you how you should conduct yourself seems more the duty of a wife than of a fiancée and I want you to know that I do know the difference.”
Smiling at her with the utmost tenderness, he encircled her in his arms and gently kissed her. Resting his head against her hair and breathing in its scent, he quietly replied, “I understand that, but I . . . have no problem with the distinction. All I want is to actually be your husband. I have no value for this interminable waiting. In my heart you are already my wife. If you feel the same for me, even a little, I am immensely pleased, not upset.”
With relief evident on her face, she looked up at him and replied, “Sir, you seem intent on being nothing but generous with me and I want you to know I truly appreciate it,” adding in a more playful tone, “You must admit though that I should at least refrain from telling you whether or not you can dine in your own home.”
“Quite frankly, Madame, you underestimate your power over me. If it means that you would have to come to my room, I believe I would agree to most anything that you were to propose there.”
Blushing at his words and feeling her pulse quicken, she attempt to reply nonchalantly. “I see that you are indeed feeling much better.”
“Yes, you are correct, both mentally and physically. Having some uninterrupted time to myself not only gave me some much needed rest, but it also allowed me to see more clearly the issue my steward and I have been attempting to resolve. By taking some time away from it, I have realized that I have been trying to force a solution onto a problem that does not fit. I see now that such an approach was born out of my desire to have the matter settled and not out of the need to ensure the best long-term result. I will meet with my solicitor tonight and discuss options but I will instruct him to let the other parties know that I have not yet come to a decision. They will simply have to wait until I feel more confident as to the best course of action. I was letting the other parties dictate the time frame for a resolution of the dispute and I now see that I am under no such obligation. I must admit that some of my previous haste sprang from my desire to spend uninterrupted time with you. I now realize that I will always need to balance my obligations with my personal commitments and that it would be folly to pursue either to the exclusion of the other. You were right last night to remind me of that.”
“Sir, you seem in a remarkable mood today. I cannot imagine my suggestion has worked such an improvement.”
?Well, to be honest with you, while I have been able to clear my head and therefore improve my disposition, I am still tired and feeling the slight effects of the fever. Your company has improved my spirits immeasurably. But, I will retire after lunch. I would like to visit with you, though, at tea before you leave for the opera.”
“But I told you last night, I will not be attending it either.”
“Yes, you did say that, but I will not have it. You will go. I wrote to Bingley this morning to arrange it. He will be by to escort all three of you in his carriage.”
“But, I intend . . .”
“Yes, I am sure you have many intentions. But as to this, you will oblige me. I see no point in your not going. After Mr. Lynch leaves me, I will do just fine with Colonel Fitzwilliam,” adding with a mischievous smile, “Unless, of course, you had something else in mind? Are you attempting to arrange things so we have more time alone together? If that is the case, rest assured, I will insist that the Colonel go in your place.”
“Fitzwilliam, I did not mean . . .”
Smiling, he raised his hand “Yes, of course you did not. But if that is the case, I can see no other benefit in your staying behind. You cannot possibly think that I would get any rest if you were here. The mere possibility that you would check on me in my room would keep me up the entire night in sheer anticipation and hope.”
Amazed by his playful attitude, and slightly unsure how to respond, she stammered, “Sir, I . . .”
Smiling at her broadly and barely refraining from laughing, he replied, “I can see that you are shocked at my behavior. As I said, I am still feeling the effects of the fever. If you ask me tomorrow, I will claim no memory of this conversation.” Turning more serious, he added, “But in any regard, I hope that I at least have your acquiescence that you will attend the opera. I would not be able to rest thinking that I had caused you to forgo an entertainment that I am sure you would take pleasure in.”
As she nodded her assent, he said, “Thank you, I appreciate it and I promise that I will make amends for failing to escort you there myself.”
“You need do no such things, but I will look forward to the time when we can attend together. I think I will enjoy it very much.”
Sensing that if he did not leave now, he would soon be unable to do so, he said “I suppose they are waiting lunch on us. Although I hate to put an end to our privacy, I think we should go in.”
********
The following morning, Darcy arrived at breakfast feeling significantly better. After learning the details of the quality of the performances at the opera of both the players and the attendees, he inquired of the ladies’ plans for the day. In response, Jane explained that Miss Bingley had invited all three of them to go shopping with her and Mrs. Hurst.
Looking significantly at Elizabeth, Darcy inquired, “And have all of you accepted?”
“Yes, we have,” smiled Elizabeth, “Miss Bingley thought Jane and I would greatly benefit from being introduced to some of the finer shops in town and generously offered to act as our guide. Georgiana was kind of enough to agree to go as well.” After looking down at her plate, she quietly added, “I believe, though, that it will take the bulk of the day.”
Hiding his disappointment, he casually asked, “Will you be available to dine here afterwards?”
Smiling warmly at him, Elizabeth responded, “Yes, I believe we shall.”
Gazing at her intently, as a slow smile came to his lips, he replied, “Wonderful. I will look forward to it.” Their eyes locked as they shared a private smile. Their reverie, however, was interrupted by his recollection that his sister and Miss Bennet were still present. After he regained a more somber expression, he asked, “Will your mother and sisters be going as well?”
With subdued mischievousness, Elizabeth replied “No. My mother had planned to focus on getting fabric for some new gowns for Lydia today and Lydia prevailed on her to keep our parties separate. It seems that my youngest sister gets quite taxed if she has to shop for anyone other than herself.”
“But,” Jane interjected, “we do plan to have lunch with our Aunt.”
“I am sure that will be quite pleasant for all of you.”
“Yes, I do think so.” Replied Jane. “I have enjoyed myself so very much on this trip, but whenever we can see my Aunt it is always an added pleasure. Speaking of her, Sir, at the opera last evening my Aunt and Uncle invited the entire party to dine at their home tomorrow evening. I know they will be sending you a note, but they specifically asked me to mention it to you this morning.”
After Georgiana expressed her own wishes that they attend, it was settled.
Jane then shyly added, “Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley had hoped to see you today. Do you think that you will call on him?”
“Unfortunately, I will be unable to. I have some business concerns I must attend to, but I will send him a note and invite him to join us for dinner?”
It was now Jane’s turn to act nonchalance. “Oh, I think he would enjoy that very much. I know how much he values your company.”
********
The women did not return from their excursion until after tea. After Elizabeth finished dressing, she went to the library to look for a new book, as the extent of the collection there was a temptation she could not often resist. She had taken to perusing the stacks whenever she had a free moment. As she entered, she was startled to see Darcy standing by the window lost in thought. She involuntarily exclaimed, “Mr. Darcy!” After regaining her composure, she added in a more teasing voice, “I hope, Sir, that I am not disturbing you?”
As he registered her presence, and then her inviting smile, his confusion quickly turned to an intense, passionate gaze. Instead of answering her inquiry, he walked purposely towards her and took her immediately into his arms. His kiss swiftly turned into fervent exchange. Before they had progressed very far, though, noise from the butler in the hall answering the door drew them apart.
The look of regret on his face was obvious, but before he would let her pull away, he began to intimately whisper in her ear, his deep voice caressing her. “I was just thinking of you when you appeared. At first, I thought I had conjured your image. I have been waiting for an opportunity to be alone with you all day.” Unable to resist the temptation, he began to feather kisses behind her ear down her neck. The sensation forced her to lean back into him for support.
Upon hearing more commotion in the hall, she pulled away once again. “Fitzwilliam I hope you know I do not want to separate anymore than you do, but I fear we must.”
He began to reluctantly let her go, but then he impulsively stepped closer and held her face in his hands as he kissed her again. Releasing her ever so slightly, he looked deeply in her eyes and said, “Very well, but I want you to know that whenever I look at you tonight I will be thinking of how blessed I am to have secured you, and how sublime it feels to have you in my arms.”
His words had left her somewhat breathless and while she knew she would be bereft by his absence, she was relieved to see Darcy straighten his jacket and walk from the room. She knew it was impossible for her to be seen in company at present. Instead, she listened to the sounds of Darcy greeting Bingley as she attempted to regain her composure. Bingley quickly offered his sisters’ regrets, telling him that Caroline wanted to make him particularly aware of the fact that he had failed to tell her of Darcy’s invitation in time for her to change her plans and that she and the Hursts were thus otherwise engaged. As Darcy and Bingley walked away from the library, Elizabeth could no longer distinguish what was being said, but she heard the two men gently laughing as they turned from the hall.
After a few moments, Elizabeth left the library and met Colonel Fitzwilliam in the hall. He had just returned from an interview with the General under whose command he resided. The Colonel’s cheerful banter immediately put Elizabeth at ease and she entered the parlor with little evidence of her previous encounter with Darcy. Darcy’s eyes immediately went to hers and she felt the intimacy of his words all over again. Despite the intensity of their connection, eventually the conversation of the other inhabitants of the room made them both focus their attention elsewhere. They were soon called into dinner, which was marked by lively conversation from all members of the table.
After coffee was served, Darcy sought out Elizabeth for a few words in relative private.
“Miss Bennet, when I saw you earlier I failed to inquire as to your day? Please forgive me. I hope it was enjoyable.”
“You are forgiven, Sir. Your breach of etiquette is quite understandable. I do believe that when I saw you, you seemed to have something else on your mind.”
With a contrite smile, he replied, “Yes, you are quite right and I hope to apologize for that as well. I hope you do not think me . . .”
“Sir, maybe the less said on that subject the better. Rather than review either of our conduct, I think it will be more profitable for me to attempt to entertain you with witty tales of my outing today and for you to act suitably impressed when I am finished.”
“Hardly a difficult task. I do fear though that I am being treated far too kindly, but I will nonetheless accept your generous suggestion. So, Miss Bennet, did you enjoy your outing today?”
“Yes, I did. While I can think of many things I would rather do than shop, I did think the enterprise productive. I also believe Georgiana enjoyed herself. I know that her disposition tends towards shyness in groups, but once she felt comfortable, she did relax noticeably. By the end, she was willing to voice her opinions with the rest of us and I think the experience was good for her.”
“I have long regretted that she has not had very many opportunities to be more in company. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you have taken an interest in her and will be able to guide her in the future. I think having you as a sister will help her in ways I cannot even begin to comprehend.” Adding in a whisper, “It is another reason why I love you.”
At his words, her eyes lit up, but soon turned to a more teasing expression. “But, Sir, I can hardly think that there were not opportunities for Georgiana to socialize more before I met you. We met several women today that were quite willing to make her acquaintance and then asked specifically after your well-being.”
With studied indifference, he asked, “Did you?”
“Yes, we did. I must say some of the ladies I had the pleasure to meet made Miss Bingley’s fondness for you pale in comparison. From my reception, I do believe you have disappointed more than your Aunt by choosing me as your bride”
Attempting to change the subject, He asked, “And, how was Miss Bingley?”
“Oddly enough, quite well,. I think we have formed a quiet alliance of sorts. We were at least united in disappointing some of your female admirers. I think she took some pleasure in introducing me as your fiancée.”
Before he had the opportunity to respond, Bingley announced his departure. Darcy rose to bid his friend goodbye and then watched Jane walk him out, silently noting that the one disadvantage of having Elizabeth at his residence was that there was no cause for a similar opportunity to bid her adieu. Instead, he was left to wish his sister and Elizabeth goodnight simultaneously without more than a kiss on her hand.
********
By the roosters first crow, he awoke alone with only a hint of her scent and a set of discarded hair pins to confirm it was not a dream.
If you like my story, please e-mail me!