Lizzy was brushing her hair when she heard a knock at her door. She smiled and said, "You can come in Jane."

While she had closed the door and sat on a sofa near the fireplace, Jane asked, "How did you know it was me?"

"And who do you want it to be? I have not rung for the maid and surely nobody else would come to see me at night!" Lizzy answered.

Her sister smiled and said: "We have not had an evening chat for a long time, Lizzy. I thought that tonight would be a good time to have one."

"That’s a delightful idea but I wonder what we could talk about," Elizabeth teased her sister, all the while wondering what she could or what she wanted to tell her.

Jane’s tone was falsely reproachful, "Lizzy!!! I’m really worried about you. I thought that taking you away from Mama would do you good but your mood doesn’t seem to improve for long. What’s happening Lizzy? Are you truly ill? Usually, you like being in town… Do you feel for staying indoors? I’m sure there is a way of taking some exercise in this area of London, I’m quite certain Hyde Park is not far. Or is it the house you like not? Surely, you cannot suffer from our guests’ behaviour. Miss Darcy is charming and Mr. Darcy is very attentive. Please Lizzy, tell me!" Her tone was now really concerned. "I’m sure I can help; we can even go back to Hertfordshire if you like."

Elizabeth was sorry. Sorry to be the cause of her sister’s sorrow, sorry not to have been more honest with her, sorry to feel so bad herself. "Jane, don’t worry for me. I really do not deserve it. I shall tell you all. I think it could ease your mind and I hope it will ease mine as well.. But it might be long, would you not prefer being with Charles?"

Jane answered, blushing, "I have been with Charles every night for the past two months; I owe you, as my beloved sister, to be with you tonight! Come on, sit by me."

Lizzy came and started: "As you have probably guessed but didn’t want to tell me, I’m upset because of Mr. Darcy." Her sister tried to interrupt her; she raised her hand to stop her. "Please, Jane, I’d like to speak the whole of it. Would you mind keeping your questions for the end?"

Jane shook her head and took her sister’s hand. "Go on, Lizzy."

"Well, the last time we spoke about him was nearly a year ago when I came back from Kent. He had proposed, I had refused, he had written me a letter dealing with answers about the reasons I had rejected him." She paused and decided to be completely honest with her sister and reveal the part Mr. Darcy had played in hers and Charles’s love story. "You already know one of the reasons: Wickham. The other was your unhappiness, my dear Jane. I had learned that Mr. Darcy had helped Charles’s sisters in separating Charles and you and when I accused him of that mischief, he acknowledged it. In his letter, he explained to me that he had done so because he had not seen any sign of attachment on your side. Of course it was not true but Charlotte had made a similar comment 3 months before. He also explained that the want of propriety betrayed by our sisters, our mother and occasionally our father was his other objection. Truthfully, I cannot say I disagree with him on that point. But he was also so kind towards both of us, saying that we always conducted ourselves as to avoid any share of the like censure. I can quote him, you know, I know the letter by heart."

She made another pause, unsure of what to say next. Eventually, she started again: "Of course, I had been flattered by his interest in me. He is a very good catch and he knows it. He had been excessively proud while in Netherfield and when he had proposed. That, I could not forget. But otherwise, after acknowledging the truth of his letter, I had no reason left for my refusal and I was quite sorry for the words I had used, that evening in the parsonage.

"Then, we met, most unexpectedly, at Pemberley. Imagine my shock at seeing him not twenty yards from me while I had been informed he wouldn’t be there until the morrow. He was so very handsome, you know. I think he had been swimming somewhere a short while before because he held his coat and waistcoat in his hand and his shirt was still wet on his body." Her look was dreamy, her cheeks flushed. Jane squeezed her hand, she checked herself and went on." And he was civil, much more than he had ever been before. And he also seemed confused, just as I was. Of course he soon left us, yet after a very short while he came back! He had changed his clothes and was neatly dressed. He purposely sought for us! He asked to be introduced to Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, and, whereas I had clearly stated that they were from Cheapside, he was more than civil towards them as well. He spoke with Uncle Gardiner and I was so glad that he could meet some of our family who are not silly. I could not understand his behaviour but it had to be somehow related with me, that it was for my sake, that he had listened to the reproofs I had made him. Before we left, Mr. Darcy and I had time to speak together and he asked me to allow him to introduce his sister to me who more particularly wished, according to him, to be known to me! I ask you, why would she want to be known to me? Surely Miss Bingley, forgive me Jane, couldn’t have praised me to her! It had to be her brother’s doing. Could it be possible that he still loved me after what had happened in Kent? And, as if it was not enough, he then called on us in Lambton, with his sister and Charles, the very morning of their arrival. She invited us for dinner two days after, at Pemberley! I tried very hard to understand my feelings towards him at that moment. I finally understood that I felt respect and esteem for him, because of his valuable qualities I had first overlooked, and because, for a reason I dared not find out, he was now behaving as a perfect gentleman. I also realised that I felt gratitude towards him, because he had loved me once and he still loved me well enough to forgive my rejection of him and the dreadful way I had rejected him. Lastly, I had to admit to myself that I felt interest in his welfare. But did I love him? Did I want him to renew his addresses? I didn’t know.

"The day after, Aunt Gardiner and I called on Miss Darcy at Pemberley(1). First, Mr. Darcy was not there, he was fishing with the gentlemen. When he finally entered the room, I was both happy and confused. I guess I had longed to see him but now, we had become objects of suspicion to all the party. I was embarrassed, although he was still cordial with us and seemed willing to favour a conversation between his sister and me. When all the gentlemen had come back, and after I had played a song at the pianoforte, Miss Bingley tried to embarrass me about Wickham. I managed to keep my composure but Miss Darcy was quite confused. I did the only decent thing that had to be done and tried to hide her confusion under a false reason. Mr. Darcy saw through my stratagem and his eyes gave me the warmest thank you I have ever received. Truthfully, I think there was more than gratitude in his stare; knowing what he had once felt for me, how agreeable and… charming I guess I could say… he had been since we had fortuitously met the day before, I read love – love for me – in his deep brown eyes. I have no proof of it, but, for a while, it was as if our souls were exchanging their deepest secrets. Our eyes were locked in this embrace for the whole of Georgiana’s song, only the applause broke it. His eyes made me realise that I felt something more than the feelings I had listed the previous evening. He must have understood it as well, I’m sure he did, how could he have not?

"On the third morning, I received your letters. As you can imagine, after reading the second one, I was in a dreadful state. As I was going to leave to fetch Uncle and Aunt to prepare for our departure, Mr. Darcy was introduced into the room. He immediately took notice of my deep confusion and asked for a servant to go. Then he tried to comfort me. He was so kind, so compassionate. I just told him the whole truth, I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t even think to hesitate. I felt, deep inside, that I could trust him. His reaction was a deep shock, as if he was involved in what had happened. He asked one or two questions and started a thoughtful pace up and down the room. Then, he seemed to recover and, to my great dismay, told me that he would leave and make our excuses to his sister for not coming to dinner that evening. I understood then and there that his feelings for me were vanishing because of Lydia’s ruin, which our whole family would partake in. The master of Pemberley could not propose to someone whose sister was lost to all common decency as I really thought she was. It could not be. Understand me, Jane, he was still compassionate but he was reserved, grave and seemed willing to leave as soon as he could, and how I understood this! I also clearly understood that I would have given anything to change the past, that I loved him, and that he would never be mine.

"Then, you know what happened, thanks to our uncle, Lydia was married. Although it prevented us to be disgraced, this union was still another source of deep unhappiness for me. It didn’t give me any hope as to a possible match with Mr. Darcy. Wickham was now our brother, he could not want to connect himself with the man he so justly scorned. I assumed that he was probably more than happy that I had rejected him in Kent. And had he proposed then, I would have gladly and gratefully accepted him. I had come to be convinced that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit me. He has a superior understanding and I could have benefited from him, and I could have softened his reserved temper. But now, everything was lost; and neither he nor I would ever take advantage of such a union.

"You must think that there is no reason why I would now be in such turmoil. If this tells, according to me, the way he feels towards us, towards me, I still can’t have any hope. But two things happened after that. First, I learned that it was not Uncle Gardiner who made the match between Lydia and Wickham but Mr. Darcy!"

There, Jane couldn’t remain silent: "Lizzy! Are you sure about that?"

"I am Jane, I have it from one of the best authorities. He left Pemberley shortly after we left Lambton; he went to London; he found them; he paid all the money which had to be laid down; and, as you know, he was Wickham’s best man. I still cannot fathom the reason of this. He told Uncle and Aunt that he acted thus because he felt responsible, because, had he not, by pride, concealed the Ramsgate events, Wickham’s character would have been known and this elopement would not have happened. Aunt and Uncle believed that there was another motive although she acknowledged that he hardly spoke of me when he was with them. But whatever might have been his reasons, I was so proud of him. He had, there, shown the extent of his compassion. And I was so humbled for myself, I grieved so heartily over every ungracious sensation I had encouraged, every saucy speech I had directed towards him.

"Secondly, Charles came back to Netherfield, and he came back with him. I think that, had not Mr. Darcy suggested this return, Charles would have never come back. Your husband had no reason of doubting the facts that had been presented to him in London, nearly a year ago. He hadn’t seen you, he had just seen me and I had not dared speak about you. But, with what I had told him when I had refused him, Mr. Darcy could have some doubts. And you told me that Charles had told you that he didn’t know you were in town last spring, who could have revealed that, but Mr. Darcy?

"But while he was there, and since, I cannot find out what his feelings are. Some times, he is very attentive or friendly or even teasing, then my heart sings and my hopes are high; but some other times, he is reserved, grave, even indifferent, he just stares at me, he seems anxious – like this evening – then I sink into gloom."

As Lizzy’s silence was stretching, Jane asked: "But why were you so silent this evening? You seemed very confused! I came to the conclusion that something had happened between you two this afternoon, but what can it be?"

Less fluently than the first part of her confession, Elizabeth told her sister of their meeting in the library, then of the fencing lesson. She insisted on the impropriety of her gesture but dared not say anything about her feelings the two times she had touched him. She tried to be as neutral as she could when she described his behaviour. "So, Jane, I now count on you as I used to, to help me feel better. I should have sought your advice before but I didn’t want to intrude into your happiness and darken it somehow; more than anyone else, you deserve it."

"Oh, Lizzy, I feel so sorry," Jane said in a sad sigh. "I should have understood you. I thought you were not your old self because I had left and you had to bear it alone with Mama, Mary and Kitty. During those two months at Netherfield, I have never had the slightest idea that you were involved in your own sad love-story, and most of all with Mr. Darcy! To tell the truth, Charles and I started having some suspicions because of your behaviour when this trip was imagined. I have tried to observe the both of you since, but I didn’t think the story was so old and so complicated."

"I feel guilty enough for keeping you away from your husband with my problems, please, don’t add to it the grief of your undeserved guilt. But, tell me! What have you seen? What do you think?"

"I have seen two people who suffer. I have seen two people who, trying to understand the other, hide themselves so that the other cannot see their true feelings. I have seen two people who should be honest. I would not have put it that way, had you not told me all you did, but I really think this is the truth. As soon as he thinks nobody’s watching him, he looks at you. His mood seems to follow yours. Whenever he speaks to you, his voice takes the warm tone he only uses with his sister. He loves you, Lizzy. He has not yet found the courage to tell it to you, that is all."

"But what about this afternoon?"

"You should not bother about this afternoon. Your behaviour might have been a little bit too forward but concern explains it. What you told me about his reaction doesn’t show the least shock. He even suggested another lesson, no?"

Elizabeth sighed. "Yes"

"When is it supposed to take place?"

Lizzy answered, blushing: "As soon as the remaining of you are not here!"

A broad smile went on Jane’s face: "What about tomorrow morning? You were not well tonight, you could stay in your room for breakfast and I will manage to take Miss Darcy and Charles for a walk. Then, the house and its master will be yours!"

Lizzy was laughing. "Jane, what has happened to you?"

Thoughtfully, her sister answered, "I hoped once that there would be a man as well suited for you as Charles is for me. Now I know there is, I will do everything in my power to see you as happy I am." She squeezed her sister’s hand she was still holding.

"Thank you Jane. Now, off with you! Charles must be desperate!"

"We’re an old married couple. I would rather think he is sound asleep… I wish you the best of nights, Dear Lizzy. Get your beauty sleep!"

Elizabeth smiled at her sister when she blew her a kiss before leaving her room, but, for the first time in a long time, it was heartily felt. Speaking with Jane had taught her to hope, as she had never allowed herself to hope before. She felt gifted for having such a caring sister, she felt glad for opening herself to her, she felt confident in the soundness of her sister’s opinion. Following Jane’s advice, she blew out her candle and lay down on her bed. Despite her earlier nap, she felt physically exhausted by the afternoon exercise; added to the relief caused by her confession, it proved to be enough for her to fall asleep immediately.

(1) I have decided to be faithful to the novel, not to the P&P2 adaptation. The only P&P2 material I will use is the dive in the pond, the song and the Look during that visit. And I have borrowed a lot of Miss Austen’s words, I could not have done better!

The Fencing Lessons, Chapter 9