Longbourn – just after the Netherfield ball
opposites attract – like magnets!
Sleep evaded Lizzy while she sat by the window sill in the wee hours of the night, contemplating and mulling over the previous events that had taken place at the Netherfield ball -- totally mortified at what had happened between herself and Mr. Darcy.
Of course the gossipers of Meryton were going to have a field day come morning with all that had accidentally occurred. But then nobody would really believe the truth. Certainly not when what everybody at the ball had witnessed with their own eyes spoke of something else much more improper.
Alas, Lizzy was not one to usually allow idle talk to bother her normally happy and perky disposition, but this predicament she now found herself in with regards to Mr. Darcy was indeed quite disconcerting. It was enough to send her nerves a fluttering and her chest full of pains! And oh my how she felt herself becoming exactly like her nerve wracked mother -- poor Mrs. Bennet.
What was Lizzy to do now? The impropriety of it all was so embarrassing. How could it have all happened in the first place? It all came upon her so suddenly? She was caught so unaware…
There he had been so very close to her, Mr. Darcy, in all his arrogant, conceited and insufferable manner. How insupportable, how unjust, how confusing and mystified she now found herself to be? She had utterly misunderstood Mr. Darcy.
I am realizing only now when it was too late that his previous looks were not of censure, but more like… desire?
Lizzy had merely wanted to find a simple escape from another foolish dance set with her ridiculous cousin, Mr. Collins. When Mr. Darcy offered a request to continue their heated discussion, she hurriedly decided that it was the lesser of two evils to be in his company instead of her cousin or so she had thought at that moment.
Well, now it is too late to mend her past behavior. What was she thinking? This impulsive, passionate, often uncontrollable urge to speak her mind, impertinently ensuring she have her say in any conversation, had once again caused her much troubles. Although unfortunately for her this time, the damage may last her a life time of sorrow, perhaps even total banishment from her home and family?
And dear sweet Jane -- her innocent, na´ve and so angelic forgiving sister -- Lizzy remembered seeing her out of the corner of her eye. Jane’s mouth agape, her eyes as big as tea cup saucers, her face blushing with embarrassment that Lizzy should be found out in such a compromising situation -- with of all people, Mr. Darcy!!!
Oh! That man is insufferable. How could he? What nerve he has, what indignation!
Lizzy was totally livid as she recalled the night’s events, and how this present dilemma could have been avoided all together, if not for her impertinent tongue!
Earlier that evening in the Netherfield ballroom, he had been a perfect gentleman when they had danced together. It was just the one dance, when everyone’s eyes were upon them. Mr. Darcy had singled her out. Charlotte had commented on it. Apparently she was the ONLY ONE he had chosen to dance with that evening. Oh how blinded she had been all along toward Mr. Darcy’s prolonged stares.
But at the past Assembly Ball in Meryton, when she had first overheard his comment about herself to Mr. Bingley, she had assumed since then that Mr. Darcy only looked upon her with distain and disapprobation. After all, he did state she was only "tolerable and not handsome enough to tempt him," so undoubtedly somewhere along the way the gentleman had changed his opinion of her.
"Oh my!" Just the recollection of Mr. Darcy's confession and what transpired between them in the Netherfield library made her blush with shame!
Of course Lizzy realized that it was entirely her fault in the first place to provoke him in such a way, but she simply could not help herself. There was a burning within her, the desire to defend Wickham and in some way acknowledge to Mr. Darcy’s face that she considered him far from having gentlemanly behavior in regards to Mr. Wickham’s present poor situation in life.
If only I had been able to hold my tongue!
If only she had not been so very impertinent. If only she had not allowed Mr. Darcy to provoke her further. If only she had not followed him out of the ballroom into the hallway – and thither into the library to be alone with him!
Oh, if only so many things had not happened the way that they had? Now, it was all too late.
Her angry passion of wanting to defend Wickham, and yes, she had to admit that her own disappointment with him at not attending the Netherfield ball had contributed even more so to her animosity towards Mr. Darcy. It had only added fuel to her previous prejudice against Mr. Darcy.
Lizzy realized again how correct her father was to constantly be reminding her that a headstrong, impertinent disposition in a woman is not apt to be attractive to a gentleman.
"No indeed not."
But Lizzy was never one to care about such matters before now. She had prided herself in this.
But now, oh it was all too late.
It had suddenly occurred to her by such forward behavior that Mr. Darcy, obviously thought quite the opposite of her!
How very unfortunate for her, it now appeared, that she only realized this much too late, while trying to make her escape from his presence and ardent manner.
When she reached the hallway – all eyes were upon them – how absolutely disgraceful both she and Mr. Darcy appeared – she knew in an instant her reputation was ruined and that she was completely compromised!
In reflection of her few recent encounters with Mr. Darcy and his so reserved, brooding and solemn countenance, he seemed to always be staring at her in disapprobation, seemingly wanting to provoke her to be impertinent, perhaps wishing for just such a sinister plan in mind to occur.
Could Mr. Darcy be that calculating?
Oh to be sure the man is handsome and rich, but this did not impress Lizzy at all! Oh how could he? He appears to have been much more attracted to her than she ever was to him?
Now, unfortunately, it was simply too late.
In the confines of her quiet room Lizzy worked herself into such a state of agitation as to have allowed herself to be found out in such a compromising situation with Mr. Darcy. She continued to fret about the talebearers who would definitely be wagging their tongues today, the day after the Netherfield ball. With such a spectacle to have occurred in front of everybody, such a scandal she imagined that would be the talk of all Meryton before the day’s end. In fact Lizzy would not be surprised if the whole countryside became aware of her situation very soon.
Mr. Darcy and his ten thousand a year –
She not handsome enough to tempt him –
Oh dear! What was she to do now? Poor distraught Lizzy, as far as she could recall surely the whole of Hertfordshire had never seen anything like it!