Chapter 19

I want to put my tender
heart in a blender,
watch it spin around
to a beautiful oblivion.
Rendezvous
then I'm through with you
.

Eve 6 Inside out

*****

Friday, July 20, 2001

William pounded the last of his cast iron tent stakes in. He stood up and looked at his pavilion with satisfaction. Charles walked past him carrying an arm load of bedding into the tent. They had decided to share William's tent for the weekend, because Charles' took too long to put up, and there was no chance of either of them would be needing any kind of privacy.

William had never been so pleased as when he saw Charles last Sunday. His friend appeared on his doorstep without any kind of warning after being gone for so long. Their conversation had been brief, even by William's standards, but it was enough that Charles was back. William hadn't realized how much he had missed his best friend.

"You're back," William had said.

"Yup," Charles had grinned, clearly happy to be home.

"Are you better?" William asked.

Charles looked away, "No, not really," he shrugged. "But you can't stop living, right?"

"I know," William slapped him lightly on the shoulder, "I'm glad your back, Charles." And that had been it. Charles had taken a couple days to get over his jet lag, then he and William were back to normal.

Or as normal as you could get considering the circumstances. They had both resolved that this weekend they were going to forget about their Bennet problems. They were going to have a weekend with the guys, just like they used to before Meryton. No women, no women problems. Just them and their squires and some good old fashion ass-whooping.

Neither of them talked about their feelings or disappointments. No, they put all that shit aside. They were getting on with their lives. Couldn't mope forever. It was time to get back into the land of the living.

*****

Elizabeth sighed as they pulled into the campground. It was full dark already, which meant they would be setting up by lantern light. Their plan had been that Jane and Elizabeth would arrive in Boston in the early afternoon. Elizabeth would help her aunt finish packing, and when her uncle got home at 5, they would hit the road and be onsite by 8.

But it never worked like that. Elizabeth loved her aunt and uncle dearly, but sometimes she believed they were the slowest people on the planet. Her uncle didn't get home until 5:30, and he brought home chicken take-out for dinner, which they had to sit and eat, instead of getting something on the road. Then they got a phone call from Johan and Adelaide, their friends, who said that were on their way, and would the Gardeners wait for them, so they could drive up together?

Elizabeth was very fond Johan and Adelaide, that was why they were in her household. They were old friends she knew through her aunt and uncle, but they were even slower than the Gardeners. It was well after 6pm before they got underway, and there were too many pit stops for Elizabeth to cope with.

She didn't know why she was so antsy to get there. Okay, yes she did. William. While trapped in the back of her aunt's mini van on the way to Maine, she thought about their history, and everything that she had shared with him. It helped strengthen her resolve to apologize to him, and assured her of the mistake she had made in spurning him.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and tried to calm down as she exited the van and started unpacking. He was here, somewhere. She could sense it, like a thunderstorm rolling in. The air was charged with his essence. Her stomach was in knots, but she focused on setting up tents and not worrying. Tomorrow would come, and it was useless to try and predict what would happen then.

Her aunt and Adelaide took control of the situation once the tents were up. They could see Elizabeth was anxious over something, so they made Elizabeth sit down on the camp chairs with them and eat some slugs. 'Slugs' were actually sliced strawberries that had been mixed with sugar and put in a jar of brandy to soak for a year or so. The color and shape might not be very appealing, but there were delicious and Elizabeth soon found herself relaxing in the good company of her friends.

****

Saturday, July 21, 2001

Elizabeth woke up and laid still for a moment, listening to the sounds around her. They had found a camping space close to the ocean and she could hear the sounds of the waves, as well as the gentle stirrings of people as they began the day.

She got up and dressed in her favorite linen gown. (The plum one.) She brushed and wove her hair into a braid and emerged from her tent. The sky was heavily overcast and threatening rain, but she welcomed the break from the heat.

Johan and Adelaide were all ready up. They were a pleasant, plump couple, in their late thirties. Adelaide was very sweet, with friendly blue eyes and long hair that was somewhere between blonde and gray. Her husband was a tall, dark man, who could be very grouchy, but was also very loving and loyal to his friends.

Elizabeth poured herself some coffee from the french press they always used when camping. "So, what are you going to do today?" Elizabeth asked her friends as she sat down at the camp table.

"I'm going to the brewing competition," Adelaide said with a bright smile. She was a journeyman brewer, her specially being meads and cordials. "And, I was hoping to get some shopping in," she looked pointedly at her husband, who pursed his lips and didn't say anything.

"What about you?"

Elizabeth shrugged, "I think I'll go down and watch the fighting today," she said casually. "I have some friends who might be there." "Don't forget, there is a Maunch meeting later," Johan reminded her.

Elizabeth had totally forgotten. Well, she would try and make it, but frankly, it was pretty low on her priority list. "Thanks," she told her friends.

Soon her aunt and uncle were up and about. Together they finished putting the camp together. Since it was just the five of them, they only needed the three sleeping tents, a dining fly for the kitchen/eating area, and a small common area that didn't even have a fire pit.

After another hour of hanging around, Elizabeth thought she was going to burst. Her uncle noticed her fidgeting and asked if she would like to go for a walk. She agreed, and the three of them were soon strolling down the main camp road. There was only one road in the campground. The battlefield and archery range was near the entrance of the camp, then there were some camping areas, then the merchant and class/meeting areas, then more camping spaces until you reached the ocean.

Longbourn was at the far end, very close to the water, so they had a long walk to the battlefield. Elizabeth was watching the ground as she walked, thinking about what she was going to say to William, when she walked into her aunt. "Ooof!"

Elizabeth gasped, "I'm so sorry, Aunt Maddy, I wasn't watching!"

Maddy smiled, "It's okay, dear. No harm done." She pointed to the camp she had been looking at. "Look at how they did their camp wall. Do you think that would work for us?"

Elizabeth looked and her jaw dropped. She recognized the banner right away, it was Pemberley. Elizabeth shut her mouth as a wave of nervousness rode over her.

Then she took a deep breath and stopped herself. This would not work if she panicked. She pulled herself together and said, "I don't know," as calmly as she could.

Pemberley was enclosed by a thick white rope, from which hung blue and white pennants, the camps colors. The rope was held up by wooden stands, about three feet high. Longbourn, being a new camp, was still working out things like its rope walls. At Pennsic, they had pounded 2x2's into the ground, but no one had been really happy with that solution.

"Let's go ask if we may examine them up close," Edward Gardener said as he walked towards the gate.

Elizabeth was determined not to be nervous. 'It's after 11', she told herself. 'William is certainly at the battlefield by now.' She followed her aunt and uncle to the gate, looking passingly calm, until someone called her name.

"Lady Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth looked up. "Michael," she said as she recognized William's squire. "Um, we, um, this is my aunt and uncle," she pointed, "we were wondering if we might take a look at your rope wall." Elizabeth wished the ground would swallow her up right there. Could she sound any more lame?

Michael smiled and offered his hand to Mr. Gardener. "Welcome to Pemberley," he said in a warm and friendly way. Elizabeth quickly introduced Michael to her aunt and uncle, who was happy to let them investigate the rope wall. Elizabeth stayed back, thinking she should talk to the man, trying to look normal, but feeling completely lost.

"So, how are you?" she asked politely.

Michael smiled, "I'm well, my lady."

Elizabeth felt her heart twitch as he said that. What had William told him about her? Did he still think of her as his knight's lady? "Um, I'm glad to hear that. So, how come you're not at the battlefield?"

"Because, he's waiting for me."

Elizabeth turned to stone as she heard the voice she knew better than her own. She turned slowly to see him, standing slightly behind her. "William," she breathed.

"Elizabeth," he said. Elizabeth didn't know it, because she was too busy trying to remain standing upright, but William was just as affected by her appearance. He had heard her voice and had exited his tent, convinced his mind was playing games on him, when he saw her there. Even from the back, he would know her. Her voice, her shape, her carriage. He was at a complete loss as to why or how she would be there, in his camp, but he would be damned if he let this chance get away. "Um, Welcome to Pemberley," he said desperately, hoping she wouldn't rn away at his presence.

"Um," Elizabeth licked her lips, "Thank you. I, um, are you well?"

"Yes," he assured her, "and you?"

"Yes," She took a deep breath, "There is something I would like to speak with you about," she said quickly. "When, I mean, if you are available, of course. Perhaps this afternoon or evening?"

William stared. She wanted to talk to him? He forgot to breath for a long moment, then he said, "Yes, certainly. I would . . .like that, very much."

Elizabeth gave him a small frightened smile, and he suddenly realized, 'Oh my god, she's as nervous as I am!' "Lady Elizabeth," he said with more confidence than he felt. "Would you please introduce me to your friends?"

"Oh!" Elizabeth only then saw her aunt and uncle standing quietly nearby. "This is my aunt and uncle, Sir Fitzwilliam, Lady Harlane and Lord Roger."

Elizabeth's relatives were the vision of a happily married couple, not the fake ideal you see on commercials, but the real thing. He appeared to be close to forty, with brown hair that was graying on the sides and thinning on the top. She was slightly younger than her husband, with dark brown hair, and a roundish build that said 'mommy-type'. William couldn't help but notice the near constant, yet completely unconscious, physical contact the couple had, either touching each other's arms, or holding hands, or speaking softly into the other's ear. William shook hands with Mr. Gardener and kissed the lady's hand. "It is very nice to meet you," he said cordially. "Elizabeth told me that you provided her introduction into the society."

Elizabeth watched on in amazement. He looked like William, but she had *never* seen him so friendly and open with strangers. He even looked comfortable as he made small talk with her relatives.

"Lady Elizabeth?"

She looked up from her thoughts. "Yes?"

"I am leaving for the battlefield now, and there is someone there who I know would like to see you, Sir Charles?" He looked at her questioningly.

Elizabeth smiled broadly. "Oh, I would very much like to see him too," she said confidently.

"May I walk you there?" he asked.

Elizabeth felt like they were playing an emotional game of Mother may I? Every question was a test. A gentle test, but nonetheless, both of them were testing the ice, to see where it was safe to walk on. It was very difficult, but she had the reassurance of seeing that William was trying just as much. "I would like that, Sir Fitzwilliam," she said as she took his arm, and gave him an open and friendly look.

They walked the first bit in silence, as they listened to Michael talking to the Gardeners. It was enough just to be touching each other, they needed quiet to gather their brains together. Each was amazed that the other would speak to them, much less be willing to touch them. Both of them realized that they had misunderstood the situation, and resolved to be cautious, as they tried to figure out what was going on.

"Lady Elizabeth?" William began. Elizabeth heart tightened at the sound of his voice, speaking softly in her ear. "I wonder if . . . Um. . . There is someone else at the battlefield you had previously expressed an interest in meeting. May I introduce you to my sister?"

His sister? He wanted to introduce her to his sister? Her mind reeled. She deliberately stopped herself from thinking about what it meant. No, she was not going to read too much into this.

"I would very much like to meet her, my lord." Her voice caught a tiny bit on the last two words. She looked down hoping he hadn't heard it, but he had. William had to resist the urge to touch her, to take her into his arms and comfort her. It was what he wanted to do. To kiss her and tell her not to be afraid, but he didn't dare. He wasn't going to rush her. He was going to show her, slowly and gently, what she meant to him. He was going to let her in, and let her get to know him. It was a huge personal risk, but now that he had seen her, he knew he had no choice. He had to try and win her. Just seeing her again made him realize how much he had missed being near her.

"Thank you," he said warmly. Elizabeth looked up at him and smiled so tenderly he knew it was worth it. Any risk was worth that one smile.

They entered the battlefield area and were halfway to the Pemberley canopy when Charles ran up to them, his eyes looking like they would pop out of his head. "Lizzy?" he called, his voice full of disbelief.

Elizabeth smiled warmly, "Charles," she said, "it's good to see you." She opened her arms and let him hug her tightly. William pushed down a wave of jealousy at the easy way Charles could physically interact with people, women especially. He knew he was being stupid, but being stupid around Elizabeth seemed to be his normal state. He walked the rest of the way to the canopy alone and let Charles take Elizabeth. He grinned as he heard his friend ask in a nervous voice about Jane. Maybe Charles didn't have it so easy.

Elizabeth was surprised at how much genuine pleasure she felt at seeing Charles again. She had actually missed his smiling blue eyes and his crazy blond curls. She felt a stab of pain in her gut when he asked, artlessly, about Jane. Yes, there was no doubt in her mind. Charles hadn't abandoned Jane. Caroline had lied, and deceived them all. She had to tell William.

When William reached the canopy, Georgianna was already standing. She could see her brother was nervous. Charles had told her whom William was walking with, and she was very interested in meeting the woman who had affected her brother so. She gave his arm a quick squeeze. Georgianna was ready to dislike Elizabeth for hurting William. Heck, she was really to hate the bitch on sight, for stealing her brother's attention away from her. But for William, and only for William, she would give Elizabeth Bennet a chance.

When Charles and Elizabeth entered the canopy, William drew Elizabeth over and said, "Elizabeth, this is my sister, Georgianna."

Elizabeth looked carefully at the girl. She looked young, even younger than her eighteen years. Her hair was dark like William's, and she was slightly taller than Elizabeth, but she had William's quiet, reserved manner. Elizabeth smiled and offered her hand, "Lady Georgianna, it's a pleasure to meet you." Elizabeth indicated the Gardeners, "These are my aunt and uncle, Lady Harlane and Lord Roger." Georgianna gave them a shy nod, unwilling, or unable to look them in the face.

"Lizzy, we're going to do some shopping, would you like to come along?" her aunt asked.

Elizabeth looked quickly at William, who returned her look with interest, but nothing else. "I, um, think I'd like to stay here, for a little while and watch the fighting," she looked at William, "if that is all right?"

William nodded slightly, then seemed to catch himself, and stepped closer, "Elizabeth, you are welcome here as long as you would like," he said with warmth and sincerity.

Elizabeth smiled at him, then turned to her aunt, "I'll see you later, I guess." Aunt Maddy smiled and patted her hand, then took her husband's arm and they moved away.

Georgianna indicated the seat next to hers and asked Elizabeth if she would like to sit in a voice so low that Elizabeth could barely understand it. Elizabeth remembered how William had told her his sister was shy. "I've been wanting to meet you for some time," she said in a friendly voice, as she sat down next to the young lady.

Georgianna's head popped up, "Really?" she asked uncertainly.

Elizabeth nodded, "I've been so impressed with your sewing. William told me you make all his garb, and I've enjoyed examining it. You are very talented."

Georgianna flushed slightly, "Thank you, I do enjoy sewing, but I'm not that good. William told me you are an excellent seamstress."

"Did he?" She cocked an eyebrow at him. William pretended he hadn't heard, but it was clear he had. "He's very kind," she smiled. She wanted to speak with him privately. She needed to tell him about Charles and Jane and she had to apologize to him. But Georgianna was so shy. She didn't have to heart to suggest that she didn't want to talk to the girl. Elizabeth did her best to make conversation with the young woman. "I think your brother has overrated my abilities, probably so I'll do more mending for him," she said playfully.

"Oh, no!" Georgianna exclaimed. "No, William never exaggerates. He is always very precise in his opinions. That is why he is so successful. People know they can trust his word." Georgianna suddenly drew quiet, as if she was embarrassed.

Elizabeth felt for the girl and tried to help her out. "I have seen that he's very honest." She smiled, "Tell me what you are making for Pennsic."

This was the key she had been searching for. Georgianna slowly began telling Elizabeth about her projects. As she realized that Elizabeth could understand what she was describing, her report became more confident and she spoke more freely.

Elizabeth smiled at her, enjoying the conversation, then she noticed William watching them intently. Charles and the squires had already left for the field, but William had remained, watching them with a look she could not understand. "Is there something you need, General?" she asked lightly.

He sighed, and said politely, "I need to apologize. I wish I could stay here with you, but I am needed on the field. Will you please excuse me, ladies."

Georgianna barely paused in her description of a silk brocade to wave good bye, but Elizabeth nodded and said, "Good luck."

William gave her a final look and walked away to join his household on the field. As he walked away, his heart was lightened by the image of Elizabeth and Georgianna getting along so well. He could have happily watched the two women he loved the most all afternoon.

Elizabeth spent a pleasant hour with Georgianna. She found the girl was not only talented, but also quite intelligent. She enjoyed talking with her, but as time went by, she began to feel uneasy. What was she doing here? Sitting under the Pemberley canopy for goodness sakes! Yes, William had welcomed her to stay, but what if . . . That was the problem. She needed to speak with him, and she felt completely at a loss at what to do. She had been prepared for an angry, bitter William Darcy. She was ready for his rage and resentment. The one thing she wasn't prepared for was a kind, charming man who seemed to be going out of his way to make her feel welcomed. She didn't know what to make of this. And what about the rest of the household? Surely they must know about the fight. What must they think of her?

"Lady Elizabeth, is something wrong?"

Elizabeth realized with a wave a guilt she had lost herself in her thoughts again. "I'm very sorry, Georgianna. I was just thinking, um, that maybe I should go," she nodded and began to rise. "I have an order meeting I should go to."

"Please don't," Georgianna said softly.

"Excuse me?" Elizabeth turned to face the girl.

"Please don't leave." Georgianna took a deep breath, and continued. "Look, I don't know what happened between you and my brother, but please, give him a chance."

Elizabeth sat down stunned. Then she looked away. "I'm sorry," she said, though she really didn't know why.

Georgianna nodded, "so am I." She sighed, "I know this must be awkward for you, but he really is a good man."

Elizabeth smiled weakly. "I know he is. I guess it's the waiting. I'm getting antsy, and I worry what you all must think of me."

Georgianna frowned, "I never thought of that. This must be very hard on you."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'm not use to such a close household. The squires and everyone knowing everything . . ."

"Elizabeth, don't worry about them. All they care about is that William is happy." She leaned closer, "Please, don't let something as meaningless as the squires' opinion mess up William's chance with you." She grinned ruefully, "Otherwise, he'll dump them all."

Elizabeth frowned, "He wouldn't do that," she shook her head slightly.

Georgianna wondered if she had said too much. She smiled determinedly, "Well, I can do something about the waiting." She stood up.

Elizabeth watched her confused. Georgianna was simply standing and waiting. Not yelling, not waving, just standing. "What are you doing?"

She grinned, "Watch. There are some advantages to being the lady of an important house."

Sure enough, in less than a minute, a squire appeared. "Lady Georgianna?" he asked. Elizabeth thought it was Gabe, but it was hard to tell under the armor.

"Tell Sir Fitzwilliam he's needed," she said cooly. The squire nodded and left.

Elizabeth was impressed. "Georgianna, you didn't have to do that. I didn't want to interrupt his fighting. It's not like this is important or anything."

Georgianna simply sat back down and smiled. "They know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. And trust me, Elizabeth, you are important."

William appeared a minute later. "Is something wrong?" he asked concerned.

"It's nothi..."

"William, Elizabeth is getting nervous from waiting."

Elizabeth ducked her head at this, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Elizabeth?" William asked, saying her name in that slow way that made her melt.

"I," she stopped and started again, "I didn't mean to interrupt your practice. I was just . . . " She stopped, because she really didn't know what to say. Should she lie, and say she had an order meeting? She did, so it really wasn't lying. But the truth was that she was freaking out, because she had to talk to him, and she didn't know what to expect from it.

"Excuse us, Georgie." William said, not taking his eyes off Elizabeth. When the girl was gone, his face changed slightly and his expression softened towards her. "What were you saying?"

Elizabeth's eyes thanked him for the understanding. "I'm feeling a little awkward, waiting here. I was going to go, and come back later, but Georgianna wouldn't hear of it, and sent for you." She gave a tiny shrug, "I'm sorry to be a bother."

William regarded her for a long moment. "Georgianna can be very determined at times," he observed.

"She's quite devoted to you."

William nodded, "I know," then he focused on her, "but in this case, I think she's right. I hadn't thought about how this would be for you. I can imagine it must be disconcerting waiting here." He looked briefly at the field and made a decision. Holding out his arm to her, he asked, "Can you help me?"

"What?"

"Help me take off my armor."

"But the fighting?"

William shook his head, "I'm done for today." Elizabeth looked uncertain. "Please," he said in a confident voice, then he sighed, and said softly "Elizabeth, I have had a real problem with my priorities lately. Trust me, when I tell you that talking to you is much more important to me that fighting."

Elizabeth stared at him, then with shaking hands, began to work on the fastenings of his armor. In a short time, the armor was in a pile under the canopy and William was wearing a simple tunic and pants. Elizabeth tried to hand him his belt, but he instinctive raised his arms, so she could fasten it on him. Elizabeth froze. Belting a knight was one of the ceremonial duties of his lady. William cursed his own stupidity, as he took the belt from her and put it on himself. 'Don't push her!" he told himself fiercely.

When he was ready, they walked down the camp road towards the ocean. It was late in the afternoon and the sun had broken through the clouds and was shining on their backs as they walked. Elizabeth was pulling herself together, and William was struggling to to be patient.

When they reached the end of the road, Elizabeth sat on a large rock that faced the ocean. William sat beside her, but was careful not to touch her. After a few more minutes, he asked, "What did you want to talk about."

(To see the view Elizabeth and William were looking at, click here)

Elizabeth sighed, got up and began pacing. "William, " she said, her voice tight. "I owe you an apology."

"What?" he asked harshly.

"I'm very, very sorry for the things I said back at War Camp." She looked at his face, then looked away, her expression sad, yet determined. "I was completely wrong, about everything." She shook her head. "I came here, because I knew I would have a chance to see you. I need to try and make things right by you. I said some awful things, that I shouldn't have, and I'm deeply sorry for hurting you." Her voice broke on the last word and she turned away.

William was stunned. Elizabeth was apologizing . . . to him?

Elizabeth continued, her voice rough, her head hanging down. "I would understand if you never wanted to see me again. I certainly couldn't blame you, but I had to tell you I was wrong and-" William cut her off sharply, "Liz!"

She looked up at him startled.

"Elizabeth, I don't believe what I'm hearing."

Elizabeth's mouth drew onto a firm line. Here it came, the anger she was expecting.

William got up and walked to her. "You," he took her hands in his, "have nothing to apologize for." Elizabeth looked at him in confusion. "I was wrong that day. I expected things of you, when I shouldn't have. I promised I would give you time, and I didn't. I'm the one who should be apologizing, and I do." He looked at her intently. "Elizabeth," he closed his eyes and collected his thoughts, "I never thought about what you were feeling. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and wishes, that I ignored you. I was very selfish, and a fool, and I hope to God you will forgive me."

Elizabeth held on to his hands tightly was her world spun. William wasn't mad? William was apologizing to her? She struggled to grasp what was going on, and felt him take her back to the rock, and helped her sit down. He wasn't speaking, he seemed to understand she needed to think, but he smiled at her, and that was enough.

She smiled weakly back, and said, "There's something else." She looked down, took a deep breath and started talking, knowing she had to get it out. "When we were at War Camp, I didn't listen to you. I should have, but I was too upset, too angry." She looked into his eyes. "I wish that I had, because you said something very important that evening, that I completely missed until I read your letter." She looked back down. "You said you didn't make Jane break up with Charles. I should have heard that." She paused for another breath. "William, Jane didn't break up with Charles. She called Caroline every day, trying to get his number. Caroline told Jane that Charles had lost interest in her, and that he never left any messages for her. Caroline lied to us, and to you."

William looked into her face, shock coloring his features. "Wait a minute. Are you telling me that Caroline never called Jane? She never gave Jane Charles' number?" He closed his eyes as the weight of his words settled upon him. "Oh my God, Jane never broke up with him?"

Elizabeth shook her head sadly. "No, Jane was told, and she believed, that Charles broke off with her, and it almost destroyed her."

It was now William's turn to pace. Charles and Jane, and Caroline- That Bitch! William felt a surge of anger pass through him. If this was true. If she had lied to him, she ... He let that thought go. It was too soon, and losing himself in rage would not help Charles. He focused on Charles. He had to try and do what was best for him. William couldn't help but feel he had gotten his friend into this mess, now it was time for him to get Charles out of it, if he could. That was the question: what could he do to make this right? As soon as he thought those words, he had a plan, he knew exactly what he would do.

He felt his anger turn on himself. 'How could I have missed this?' he asked. Oh, he knew how. It was because he was so selfish, and so fucking obsessed with possessing Elizabeth that he never bothered to even talk to her about what had happened between Charles and Jane. Now he was just as guilty for keeping Charles apart from Jane as Caroline.

He turned to Elizabeth. "Thank you for telling me this. I know it couldn't have been easy. I have to go back to my tent. Would you please come with me?" His voice was serious, yet caring. Elizabeth nodded and fell in step beside him.

William knew what he had to do. He had to make completely sure his next steps were correct. He didn't dare risk hurting Charles again. He felt sick as he recalled the afternoon in Vienna when he told Charles that Jane had abandoned him. No, he couldn't screw up like that again. He couldn't.

But it meant doing something that might hurt Elizabeth. How could he ask her to trust him, when he didn't trust her on this? He thought for a moment about going behind her back to get the verification he needed, but he dismissed the idea instantly. No, if he wanted to gain her trust, he would have to be completely honest with her.

"Elizabeth," he said as they walked towards his camp. "I want you to know, I trust you," he said thoughtfully. "With my own happiness, with my life, I trust you." He stopped and said words that hurt him, "But this is about Charles. He has been through so much, that I can not risk hurting him again." William looked at her, hoping she would understand. "I have to get verification on this before I tell him." He frowned, "I hope you can understand."

Elizabeth smiled sadly, "Of course I understand." She could see the sadness in his eyes. She touched his face gently, "Why do you think I told you, and not him?"

William stared at her a moment, realizing the confidence she had placed in him. He wanted to hold her close, but instead, he contented himself with catching and kissing her hand, gently, hoping to let her know he was aware of what was passing between them. They returned to walking and the larger task at hand.

They walked through the gate of Pemberley without breaking stride and went directly to William's pavilion. "How can you get verification," Elizabeth asked, "Won't Caroline just lie to you again?" William grabbed his cell and turned it on, hitting a speed dial key. "I have my sources," he said flatly. Then he spoke into the phone, "Margaret, I need the home number of Claire Gates, now." He waited 30 seconds, then repeated a number back into the phone. "Thanks Margaret. I knew I could count on you."

Elizabeth watched as he dialed the phone again. She could tell he had gotten an answered machine. "Claire, this is Will Darcy, call me at *** *** **** as soon as you get in. It's important." he rang off, and put the phone in a pouch on his belt.

"Now what?" Elizabeth asked.

"Now we wait." He looked at her, "Thank you, again, for telling me this."

"What choice did I have?" She shrugged. "I couldn't live with Jane hurting the way she does, and I couldn't live with myself knowing I had hurt you." Her voice was tight, as Elizabeth felt a wave of emotions flow over her. She had done it. She had told William everything. She breath caught in a quiet sob.

William took her into his arms. He didn't think about it. It was right, he knew it. His felt the steel bands around his heart loosening as he held her against him. It would take awhile, he knew that, but now he had hope. Elizabeth trusted him, she had sought him out. And he would do the right thing. He would show her she had not been mistaken in relying on him.

He rubbed her head, as he felt her tears escaping and falling on his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. Elizabeth nodded slightly and sat down with him, on the camp bed.

"When Jane," she began, then started over. "When you first left, that first Sunday, it was so hard. Jane kept pacing, and I felt like I had to keep her from calling. Finally at noon, she did call, and we got Caroline's answering machine," she frowned. "We knew we would have to wait until Monday, so I gave Jane my cellphone and told her to call from work. She got Claire then, who told her to call back later for Caroline. Jane tried again when she got home, and Caroline told her that Charles had called, but hadn't left his number." Tears ran freely down her face as she told him the story. "This went on for days, until finally Caroline told her that Charles was 'flighty' and that he didn't want Jane to have his contact information. That's when Jane stopped calling."

"That must have been so difficult," William said softly, his voice dark with pain.

"It was horrible," She looked up at him, "and it was hard for me, because I was trying to help Jane, when I didn't know what was going on with you and me."

William put his forehead to hers. "I know, I was hurting too. I wanted to call you so badly, but Charles was . . . " he sighed at the memory, "he just nose-dived."

"He did?"

"I'd never seen him like that, and I hope I never will again. It was . . . " he trailed off, shaking his head. "It was very bad, Elizabeth, and I was doing the same as you; Trying to hold Charles together while I was worrying and missing you."

Elizabeth touched his face, wiping away a tear she found there. "What happened that one night, when he called?"

"What?"

"It was Memorial Day weekend, in the middle of the night, Charles called. I heard the machine pick up, and it was definitely him. Jane tried to get to it in time, but she was too late. I heard you say "sorry" and hang up."

William looked at her in horror as she told the story, "Oh God! He got through?" He shook his head, "I didn't know, Elizabeth, I swear, I didn't know."

"What happened?" she asked, gently, yet insistently.

"It was the weekend that I had to tell Charles that Jane had dumped him. He just fell apart. The only way he could handle it was to drink himself unconscious."

Elizabeth paled at his words. She had not realized how badly Charles had suffered.

"Anyway, I woke up at 6 the next morning, and found Charles drunk and sobbing into the phone. I didn't know who he was talking too, it could have been the Pope, he was so wrecked. I am sorry. I had no idea he had actually gotten through to you. I figured he had woken some poor soul up and just tried to get him off the phone as quickly as I could." William lifted Elizabeth's chin to look closely at her, "That must have made it worse, didn't it?"

Elizabeth nodded. "I think that was the worst night for her."

"Elizabeth, what about for you?" he voice was gentle, yet firm.

Elizabeth looked away, "I think the worst time for me was that same weekend. When George Wickham . . ." She stopped with a disgusted grimace.

William could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. He bit back on the rage that man involved and focused on Elizabeth. He had to know what Wickham had done. "Please, tell me."

Elizabeth sighed, "I went alone to the War of the Roses that weekend, because Charlotte was with Bill and Jane was in mourning, and while I was there, Wickham hit on me every chance he got," she finished angrily. "I told him 'no' more times and in more ways than I could count, but he just kept at it, so finally I left." She looked a the ground, "I ran away."

William placed his hands on her shoulders, "I'm sorry, I'm so very, very sorry I ever left you alone with that monster."

Elizabeth smiled wanly, "As bad as that was, he didn't hurt me as much as I hurt myself. " She frowned, "It was horrible missing you were you were gone, but I always had hope, and I held on to it," Her voice receded, becoming lower. "It was much, much worse when I came home from War Camp, and read your letter, and realized what a fool I had been. That not only had I missed a chance to make things right for Jane, but that I had also destroyed everything, every chance I had with you. That was the worse," she finished softly, her head hanging down.

"And you still came here? Thinking I wouldn't want to see you again?" his voice was touched with admiration.

Elizabeth looked at him helplessly, "I had to, even if you rejected everything I said, I had to try."

William pulled her close into his arms, and they rocked slowly. "I'm so glad you came. You are so brave," he whispered as her scent filled him and eased his pain. "But I have to tell you, and I hope you will believe me, I was planning on tracking you down at Pennsic and throwing myself on your mercy."

Elizabeth pulled back to look at his face, "Really?"

He nodded, his eyes both sad and hopeful.

Elizabeth smiled again, sadly. "What's next? What do we do now, you and me?"

William squeezed her hands, and asked softly, "What do you want?"

Elizabeth looked deeply into his eyes, her voice trembling, "I'm not exactly sure how you feel about me, but I would like to maybe try and start over?"

William's eyes warmed, and he nodded, "I would very much like that."

Elizabeth felt a tightness in her chest loosening. She had never thought that she would be here, saying these thing to him. "But this time, we'll take it slow," she said softly.

William nodded, "Whatever you want." He grinned ruefully, "I mean it this time."

"I want you to hold me," she said with a tiny, impish smile. William was happy to oblige and they sat together, holding each other and experiencing the feel of each other for a long time. "I've missed this," she said wistfully into his neck.

"Me too," his deep voice replied. After a few more minutes, he asked, "Would you like to be my guest at dinner tonight?"

Elizabeth pulled back slightly and frowned. "I'd like to, but it's a little complicated."

William ran his fingers along the furrows of her brow. "How so?"

"Well, I'm camping with my aunt and uncle and another couple who are in my household. I would feel rude leaving them."

"May I invite them too?" he asked, a smiling playing at his lips.

"You may, but . . . " she hedged.

"What's bothering you, Elizabeth?" he asked quietly

"I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with your household," she admitted. William regarded her steadily, waiting for her to continue. "I mean, I know they must know about us, and I wonder what must they think of me?" She felt foolish, as she said this, she had never cared for anyone's opinion before, but these were William's students. Somehow, it mattered now.

William pondered. "Have any of them been rude in any way to you?"

"No, certainly not."

He nodded, "Elizabeth, it is hard to be in a close household, it's not for everyone. I forget that sometimes," he stopped, and considered some more, then made a decision. "If it comes down to this, I want to be clear, that you are more important to me than the household."

Elizabeth stared, her mouth open. She shook her head, slightly. "No, no," she protested.

William knew he had gone too far. "If it comes to that, Elizabeth," he repeated, soothingly. "I don't believe anything like that is going to happen, but I need you to know." He looked down and pressed his head against hers, gently, "I want you to trust me," he said softly.

Elizabeth accepted this. She wanted to trust him too. A part of her did. She had told him everything about Jane, but she wasn't sure if she trusted him enough to love him, yet. "So, what are we going to do?" she asked.

"Elizabeth, I don't think they disrespect you." He explained, "Really, I am pretty sure that they blame me entirely for what happened at war camp."

Elizabeth gave him a skeptical glance.

"You should have seen the looks they gave me afterwards," he said ruefully. "Please, will you just try tonight? You will have people from your own household with you, so you won't be alone. Please?"

Elizabeth reached up and ran her fingers through his silky curls, he was trying so hard. "Yes," she smiled, "I'll have dinner with you."

He gave her a smile of heartfelt delight and hugged her tightly. Then he looked at her protectively. "If you feel in any way uncomfortable, let me know right away, okay?" he asked sincerely.

"I will," she promised. She got up and he joined her as they exited Pemberley and walked towards Longbourn. "William?"

"Yes."

"We will get to talk some more, won't we?" she asked. "I mean, just the two of us?"

He took her hand and pressed a light kiss on it. "As much as you like."

When Elizabeth entered her camp, she found the others there. "Oh, there you are!" her aunt called out. "Did you have a nice day?"

Elizabeth looked at her hand, still being held by William's and nodded. She introduced William to Johan and Adelaide, and was pleased as he greeted them warmly. "William has invited us all to Pemberley for dinner," she announced.

"Oh, no," Adelaide said frowning.

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"Baroness Elsbeth invited as all over for dinner at the Bridge encampment."

"Oh," Elizabeth pursed her lips.

"But you can go to Pemberley, if you want. The Bridge thing is very casual."

"Are you sure she won't mind?"

"Who, Elsbeth?" Adelaide waved her hand, "Never."

"Okay," Elizabeth shrugged, she looked at William, who looked at her questioningly. "Aunt Maddy, where do you want to go tonight?"

"I think we'll go to Pemberley, if you don't mind. It seemed like a very nice camp and I'd like to meet your friends," she said with a knowing smile.

Elizabeth grinned back at her aunt. She was happy, because she wanted William to get to know her aunt and uncle. They were her closest and favorite relatives and it made her feel better, somehow, to see them getting along so well.

William turned to her, "If you will excuse me, Elizabeth, I have to return to Pemberley to prepare." He looked at her warmly in anticipation. "I'll return to escort you to my camp, say in an hour?"

Elizabeth smiled, "You don't have to do that, you know."

William nodded slightly, "Oh yes, I do."

Elizabeth blushed, then a grave thought occurred to her, "Will, you will call me if you hear anything?" she looked meaningfully at the pouch that held his phone.

William's face sobered. "Right away," he assured her. With a final squeeze of her hand, he departed for his camp. Although he still had many unpleasant things ahead of him, he felt better than he had in weeks.