Elizabeth gazed at her reflection in the mirror, wondering if the changes of the last year showed in her face as much as she felt them in her heart. Today was a day full of memories. The last time she had prepared for a ball at Netherfield, she had taken more than usual care with her appearance in hopes of winning Wickham’s heart. Now she was thankful he had never made an appearance, preventing her from making an even greater fool of herself than she had managed without his presence.
This ball would be quite different, and her preparations had not been elaborate. All eyes would be on Jane at the ball, and Elizabeth had no one to impress with her beauty. There would be no Mr. Wickham and no Mr. Darcy tonight. How blind she had been, to believe the one and scorn the other, and not to recognize the attentions Mr. Darcy had been paying her for what they were!
A familiar feeling of guilt settled over her at the thought of Darcy. Her shame over her infamous treatment of him at Hunsford had only increased during the intervening months. It began after Mr. Bingley’s sudden reappearance at Netherfield in May. Anxious over the prospect of encountering Mr. Darcy again after their embarrassing parting in Kent, Elizabeth had asked Bingley on his first visit to Longbourn whether his friend intended to join them.
The look of concern which had crossed that gentleman’s face had been unmistakable. No, unfortunately, he will not, although I invited him; he is not of a sociable bent these days, he had said. He is in a very black humour; no one knows why, but he has closeted himself away and does not even receive callers. I have only seen him once myself, when he called on me to tell me....to give me some intelligence that he thought I might find useful. Bingley had glanced at Elizabeth with an embarrassed smile then, allowing her some hint as to what that information might have been, and how it might have related to his abrupt return to Hertfordshire. I have never seen him look so ill - I hope his spirits recover soon; he is the best of men, and I hate to see him in such distress.
She had known that he must have been disappointed by her refusal, but she had not thought that, given the level of reservations he had expressed in his proposal, he would find much difficulty in overcoming his affections. The discovery that she had the power to cause him such suffering was a sobering one, the more so as she spent more time in Bingley’s company, as Jane’s chaperone, and heard his stories which often enough included Darcy, always in a most favourable light. It was clear that he thought Darcy to be the soul of generosity, thoughtfulness, and cleverness, a view which quite contradicted that which Elizabeth had held.
When, in due course, Bingley and Jane became engaged, Bingley made a trip to London to arrange matters with his attorney and to settle some business. On his return, he was in as much of a temper as Elizabeth had ever seen him. As usual, she had been in the background when he talked to Jane, his voice raised in anger perhaps louder than he realized. I told him of our engagement, and he congratulated me and seemed to speak with sincere pleasure at the news; but then when I asked him to stand up with me at our wedding, he refused! He said that business would not permit him to leave London, as if I would believe such an excuse. It is only half a morning’s travel, and two months away - how could he possibly be too busy? I was hurt, but I remained civil, and expressed my hope that he would at least be able to attend our wedding, and he said that he thought even that unlikely to be possible. I grew angry, then, and accused him of disapproving of my choice, which he adamantly denied, saying that once he might have taken ....other considerations in mind, but now he thought differently, and was nothing but delighted that I was taking this step. And when I pressed him again to come, he turned away and said, ‘Bingley, you do not know what you are asking,’ and then he went so far as to ask me to leave! I would never have thought it of him; I have misjudged him badly in thinking him a good friend. Jane, with a glance at Elizabeth, had placed her hand on his arm to stop him at that point, but the damage had been done.
It had been difficult for her to forgive herself after that, to know that her cruelty towards him had been such that he would risk ending a long and valued friendship solely to avoid having to see her again. She had vowed to herself that never again would she allow herself to give in to her anger and to treat anyone so harshly.
Since there was nothing she could do to make amends, she resolved to try to put it from her mind. Her northern tour with her aunt and uncle had provided a distraction, at least until Mrs. Gardiner had taken it into her head to visit Pemberley. Hearing such a different and complimentary view of Mr. Darcy from his housekeeper and seeing the care with which the estate was run could not help but leave her with a warmer feeling about the man himself, and an odd feeling of loss that she had never had the occasion to know that part of him.
She sighed as her mind came back to the present. There was nothing to be done for it now. The opportunity would not return again, and she could not undo the past. Resolving, as she had so many times already, to think no more of it, she went to Jane’s room to see if she needed any assistance with her preparations.
********** The drawing-room at Netherfield was crowded with people, all older and more assured than she, it seemed; ordinarily it was a scene that would have raised a great deal of anxiety in Georgiana, but she had come to Hertfordshire with a goal in mind, and this ball offered her best opportunity to achieve it. She had needed to beg for permission to attend, which was granted only on the condition that she would dance with no one except Mr. Bingley and any men whom he specifically introduced to her with that intent, a compromise that Bingley hoped would be satisfactory to Darcy. Dancing was not on her mind, however. She was engaged in a dually unpleasant task: meeting as many people as possible in as short a time as possible, a job highly unsuited to one as shy as she, and employing the person best able to help her in that effort, no matter how distasteful her company might be. Miss Bingley knew more of the company than anyone else present, and was willing to devote her time to pleasing Miss Darcy.
The one person Georgiana had been happy to meet so far was Mr. Bingley’s betrothed. Miss Bennet was everything that was lovely and gentle, and could not have looked happier. Unfortunately, Georgiana had so far had a notable lack of success in reaching her true goal. She was determined to discover the woman her brother was breaking his heart over, to find her and to acquaint herself with her, and then to use her knowledge to help her brother move past his infatuation. She had very little information to help her in identifying the mysterious woman - from her brother’s reaction to the idea of attending this wedding, Georgiana was certain it was someone who would be in attendance at the ceremony, and likely at the ball as well. She would naturally have to be young and attractive, and presumably married, for why else would Fitzwilliam not simply ask her to marry him? No woman in her right mind would refuse him. She had a suspicion as to her first name, from overhearing her brother say despairingly, “Elizabeth” when he had thought he was alone and had touched the brandy decanter a little too heavily.
She was beginning to feel as if far too many people lived in Hertfordshire, but determinedly continued to ask Miss Bingley to introduce her to as many as possible.
********** Elizabeth was not formed for ill-humour, and it did not take her long to recover her spirits once she arrived at the ball and was no longer subject to Lydia’s complaints of how many more balls she would have been able to attend if only she had been allowed to go to Brighton. There were a number of people present who were strangers to her, friends and family of Mr. Bingley who had come to attend the wedding. Bingley introduced her to Mr. Ansfield, who would be groomsman at the wedding, and the gentleman asked the honour of her hand for the next two dances. He proved to be a very entertaining partner who regaled her with outrageous and amusing ideas of how he might disgrace himself during the wedding service, which problems he had given serious consideration to since he was to be married himself in some months. She was sorry to relinquish his company, but had also been asked to dance by several gentlemen of her acquaintance. Although she found this a pleasurable pastime, by the end of the third set she was ready to seek some refreshment. She was feeling more than a little lonely; she was accustomed to spending time at such occasions talking to Jane, or formerly to Charlotte, but tonight her sister was the center of attention and Charlotte was long gone.
Deciding that she might as well pay her respects to the official hostess of the occasion, she approached Miss Bingley with a compliment on the entertainment. “Miss Bingley, it is a pleasure to see you once more,” she said politely.
“It is a very happy occasion,” Miss Bingley replied smoothly. “Miss Bennet, may I introduce you to Miss Darcy? Miss Darcy, this is Miss Elizabeth Bennet; it is her sister who is marrying my brother.”
Elizabeth was quite taken by surprise to discover Miss Darcy’s presence; and with a moment of panic, thinking the sister unlikely to travel without her brother, she scanned the room for a tall, dark figure. Realizing that Miss Darcy was looking at her with a penetrating gaze, she drew her attention back and expressed her pleasure in making the acquaintance. She could not help but feel flustered, and was certain that her cheeks were betraying her embarrassment on the occasion, although she knew that neither of the others were likely to be acquainted with the details of her history with Mr. Darcy. “I have heard a great deal about you from Miss Bingley, as well as from your brother, Miss Darcy,” she said. “I understand that you are a fine musician.”
“They have no doubt been far too kind to me,” said Georgiana gravely, wondering if this young woman could possibly be the one she was seeking. The name was correct, and she was apparently acquainted with him, but she was unmarried, which made it seem unlikely. Still, it was worth pursuing; if nothing else, Miss Bennet might provide leads as to who else her brother was acquainted with in Hertfordshire. “You are acquainted with my brother, then?”
“Yes, I met him when he visited Netherfield last autumn,” said Elizabeth. “Is he here this evening?” She could not help but ask the question directly.
“No, unfortunately, business requires him to remain in London,” said Georgiana.
Miss Bingley, feeling that this was quite enough of an acquaintance for her taste between Miss Darcy and Eliza Bennet of the fine eyes, said, “There was a slight acquaintance, it is true, from when you visited here when your sister was ill.”
Elizabeth, feeling the implication, could not resist making a response. “Yes, it was but slight, though I had the pleasure of meeting him again some months later when I visited Kent. I was frequently in company there with him and his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, while they were visiting Lady Catherine de Bourgh. So you see, I have quite a list of people who have told me of your prowess at the pianoforte, Miss Darcy; it was a common topic of conversation at Rosings.”
This intelligence of Miss Bennet’s apparent intimacy with Mr. Darcy’s family clearly came as an unpleasant surprise to Miss Bingley, who chose to insert herself at that moment with a paean of praise for Miss Darcy’s abilities. Georgiana, who as a rule disliked the attention such compliments brought, for once was grateful, as it gave her the opportunity to collect her thoughts. She realized with excitement that she had indeed found her quarry - it was directly after his visit to Rosings that her brother had sunk into his gloom, not to mention that as sister of the bride, she would be quite unavoidable at Mr. Bingley’s wedding. This must be her; why, then, was there a difficulty? Perhaps she was promised to someone else?
Miss Darcy somehow forced herself to continue an active conversation to maintain Miss Bennet’s interest. Fitzwilliam would be proud of me if he were to see how outgoing I am being! she thought with a touch of irony, since it was only for his sake she was overcoming her native shyness. Luck seemed to favor her tonight, and a gentleman came to claim Miss Bingley’s hand for the next dance, leaving her alone with Elizabeth.
“It is a shame my brother could not be here tonight; I am sure that he would enjoy renewing his acquaintance with everyone he met here,” Georgiana offered tentatively, looking for a way to raise the question.
Elizabeth was discovering that she was both longing to ask about Mr. Darcy and afraid of what she might hear. “Yes, Mr. Bingley was very disappointed that he could not be in attendance,” she said by way of compromise.
“Mr. Bingley has been a very dear friend of his for some years, and I know my brother is sorry to miss his wedding, but the truth is that he has been very little in company of late,” Georgiana said, watching Elizabeth closely.
She felt a slight stab of pain at her words. “He must be quite busy, then,” she attempted.
“Not so busy, no,” said Georgiana slowly. “But he has not been himself for some months.”
Elizabeth found it suddenly hard to breathe. Surely he could not still be in such pain as that! “He has not been ill, I hope?”
“No, his health has been excellent as always - I believe it is more an unhappiness which afflicts him, but he is not one to confide in a much younger sister.” Georgiana could hardly credit what she was saying, speaking of such personal matters to a complete stranger, yet she knew as if by instinct that Elizabeth was somehow intimately involved in this.
For her part, Elizabeth was uncertain if she could bear to hear any more of this. She did not wish him to suffer; she knew that he did not deserve such suffering; and although she was the cause, she had no way of offering him relief. “I am sorry to hear that,” she said uncomfortably. “Please give him my best regards, when next you see him.”
“I will be happy to do so,” Georgiana replied. You have no idea of how careful I will be to do exactly that! she thought. “Your sister is very lovely; I have always wished to have a sister,” she added.
“And I have four!” exclaimed Elizabeth with a laugh, glad for the change of subject.
“Four? And are they all married?” Georgiana asked, intending to gather as much information as possible.
“No, none, Jane is the eldest, and first of us to reach the altar. All the rest of us are at home, and like to remain that way for some time,” said Elizabeth. She pointed out her younger sisters to Miss Darcy, who seemed quite inordinately curious about them. No doubt it was interesting to her to glimpse a family so different from her own. Elizabeth found her a subject almost as interesting; she had heard at Lambton that Miss Darcy was exceedingly proud, consistent with Wickham’s description of her; yet her manners were unassuming and gentle, and if she still possessed some of the awkwardness of her age, it seemed bridged by amiability. She was grateful to discover Miss Darcy did not seem to be the acute and unembarrassed observer her brother was.
Georgiana managed to attach herself quite firmly to Elizabeth, much to the displeasure of Miss Bingley, who had never heard her utter so many words in their entire acquaintance. Elizabeth was amused by Miss Bingley’s discomfiture, but had some reservations about encouraging the friendship of Miss Darcy; she did not think Mr. Darcy likely to be pleased were his sister to return to London with news of her particular acquaintance.
She had not reckoned with Miss Darcy’s determination; she somehow convinced Mr. Bingley to allow her to accompany him on his visit to Longbourn the next day. Though Elizabeth tried to encourage her to talk to Mary or Kitty as being closer to her own age and also not as likely to incur the discomfort of her brother should their names ever be mentioned, Miss Darcy seemed to lapse into being tongue-tied and shy whenever she was not speaking directly to Elizabeth. After Mr. Bingley made a reference to her habitual timidity, Elizabeth began to wonder with some amusement what odd fate had given her this strange ability to attract members of the Darcy family. Although she found Georgiana’s company to be pleasant, she was not sad that their acquaintance would have to terminate immediately upon Jane’s marriage, given the pain which would inevitably follow any closer association between them.
********** The day of the wedding came quickly. The wedding ceremony was both solemn and joyful; Jane was as beautiful as a bride could be, and Bingley could not stop smiling. Elizabeth, standing at the front of the church, felt all happiness on her sister’s behalf, and reflected that here was one good thing which had come out of that dreadful day at Hunsford: Jane and Bingley, together as they should be. She thought with appreciation of Darcy, who had triumphed over himself sufficiently to give them this opportunity, and she felt proud of him.
Elizabeth followed the new Mr. and Mrs. Bingley down the aisle after the ceremony, her hand on Mr. Ansfield’s arm. With a contagious smile, he said to her playfully, “I hope Bingley appreciates it that I made it through without disgracing myself.”
“You did beautifully,” she replied with a happy laugh, placing her free hand lightly on his arm for a moment. “I am certain that Mr. Bingley was quite pleased; that is, if he was able to notice anything at all beyond my sister!”
They were almost to the doors of the church when she let her gaze move over the assembled guests, stopping abruptly with shock when it came to a pair of dark eyes which she would never forget. The look in them was one she had never seen before, though - one of cold distaste which seemed to cut straight through her. All her happiness in the day seemed to vanish as though it had never been, and was replaced by a wrenching pain.
She forced herself to look away, although some part of her wanted to fix her eyes on him forever. Relying on Mr. Ansfield to guide her outside, she somehow managed to carry on, greeting guests, kissing Jane, and embracing Bingley, but all the while her thoughts were on Darcy. She had imagined meeting him again so many times; she had imagined being faced with pain and even anger, but she had never thought she would see loathing in his eyes, and the thought of it cut her like a knife. She could not say that she did not deserve it, but it pained her.
She was unusually quiet on the carriage ride to Netherfield, but fortunately this passed notice as her mother reviewed the triumphs of the wedding in detail. Elizabeth could not help thinking on the power of her reaction to seeing Darcy once more, and in so unexpected a manner. The wedding breakfast was likely to be a trial; she could not decide whether she more hoped for the chance to speak to him or dreaded it. Regardless of his behaviour, she was determined to meet him with the utmost civility as befitted a man of honour and sense whom she had wronged. Perhaps then she would at least have the comfort of knowing that he would no longer believe she thought badly of him.
On their arrival, Elizabeth found Jane surrounded by a cluster of well-wishers. Bingley was off to one side, talking urgently to the butler about some matter. She did not wish under the circumstances to stand by herself, so she sought out a friendly face. Spotting Mr. Ansfield across the room, she was about to move in his direction when Miss Darcy appeared by her side.
“Miss Bennet!” cried the girl. “You shall never guess - my brother has come, after all. He was planning to return to London directly after the ceremony, but I begged him to stay for the breakfast, as did Mr. Bingley, and he finally agreed.”
“You must be very pleased to see him,” Elizabeth responded, her own heart too heavy for good cheer.
“I am - and you must come say hello to him; he knows so few people here, and you know, I am sure, how shy he is of making new acquaintances.”
Elizabeth could scarcely refuse this request, but she was taken aback by Miss Darcy’s words. Shy? It was not a concept she had ever thought to apply to Darcy of all people, yet it made many things plain to her, from why he had refused to dance with her at the assembly to the silences she had interpreted as pride. With some anxiety, she followed the girl across the room, thinking it might be as well to accomplish this first meeting, no matter how it should go.
“Fitzwilliam, you remember Miss Bennet, do you not? She has told me of making your acquaintance here,” said Georgiana with determined cheerfulness. She had no intention of allowing this opportunity to pass by, whether for good or ill, and it was her last chance to discover what lay between her brother and Miss Bennet.
Elizabeth felt almost helplessly drawn to look at him. He was a little thinner than she had recalled, but otherwise appeared much the same. The hostility she had perceived in the church seemed to be gone, or at least well disguised; he now appeared only impenetrably grave.
He did not seem much at ease, but he made her his compliments with civility, enquiring after those members of her family he had not yet had the pleasure to see that day. She hardly knew how to reply, whether to respond to the alteration in his civility since they had last met, or to the severity of his countenance. She temporized briefly with a few words on the subject of the wedding, then said, “I had been given to understand that you were not expected here today, sir. I know it must be a great pleasure to Mr. Bingley and my sister that you were able to be in attendance.”
“The pleasure is mine, Miss Bennet,” he said with more than a touch of irony in his voice.
Elizabeth’s smile faltered for a moment at the implication, but she was determined to be civil no matter what provocation she was offered. “Your sister tells me that business has been keeping you in Town, Mr. Darcy. Is it very quiet there at this season?”
“It is quiet enough; I am not there for my entertainment,” he said coolly. He wondered how she would react if he said that he was in London because he could not face going to Pemberley without her, at least not once Bingley had decided to return to Netherfield instead of taking up his invitation to visit Derbyshire. But there was no point in even wondering what she would think; he had seen how the very sight of him wiped the smile from her face in the church, and he knew that she would not be speaking with him now had Georgiana not forced them into this position. What ill fortune that of all the people in Hertfordshire, Georgiana should choose to attach herself to her! She was looking at him playfully, and he could see he was to fall victim to some of the teasing that had so enchanted him. He steeled himself to bear it.
“It was quite a surprise when Mr. Bingley returned to Netherfield in the spring, Mr. Darcy. You were very sly; you did not mention a word of it when you were in Kent,” she said.
Touché, Miss Bennet, he thought. With the faintest of smiles, he said aloud, “I was not aware of it at the time. As you know, Mr. Bingley is a creature of impulse at times, so it did not come as a surprise to me when he decided to return. I understand as well that the regiment has left Meryton.” He was not averse to handing back her challenge.
She coloured slightly. “I am relieved to say that is accurate, sir,” she said, “although unfortunately not all of my family is in agreement with my views on the matter.”
So she did believe what I told her in my letter; that is something, at least, he thought. It was good to know he had been acquitted of cruelty in that regard, at least. He tried to think of a response, but there seemed to be an embargo on every subject. Before the silence could become too awkward, however, Elizabeth excused herself, claiming she was needed by her mother. He bowed silently, a familiar feeling of emptiness settling back on his heart as he watched her walk away.
“Miss Bennet is very charming,” said Georgiana with determined good cheer. “I like her very much.”
Darcy’s face twisted in an ironic half-smile. “Yes, she is charming,” he said shortly. The last thing he wanted at the moment was to listen to Georgiana singing Elizabeth’s praises. His eyes followed her as she proceeded from her mother to Bingley’s best man, the one she had been laughing with so happily at the church. He wondered if another wedding was in the offing, and he tried to tear his gaze from her without success.
The meal was announced, and he offered his arm to Georgiana, who was looking oddly disappointed for some reason. In the dining room he was displeased to see that he was not seated with her, but a quick check of those who would be near her revealed no cause for concern, and he was, after all, a last-minute addition to the event. He could not help himself; as soon as Georgiana was seated, he began to scan the crowd for a sight of Elizabeth. She was not, as he had expected, with the wedding party; rather, she was seated slightly off to one side among people he did not know, her head slightly bowed in an uncharacteristic manner.
He walked around the table, looking for a card with his name. He experienced a sense of foreboding as he neared the place where Elizabeth sat, and was somehow unsurprised to discover that some mischievous fate had placed him beside her. He took a deep breath before seating himself.
Elizabeth, who had been awaiting his appearance, looked over at him. “We meet again, Mr. Darcy,” she said, with a smile which would have been impish had she been more in spirits.
“So we do, Miss Bennet,” he said evenly, thinking this was to be a very long meal indeed. To make matters worse, they were seated among a sea of Bingley’s relatives who were unknown to him, making the prospect of other conversation poor as well. He smiled grimly, recalling dancing with her at the Netherfield ball and her challenge to him to converse with her. Well, he would show her that he had attended to her reproofs, no matter how painful it might be. “You seem to have made quite an impression on my sister,” he said.
“It was unintentionally done,” confessed Elizabeth, who had been wondering how to explain this very thing. “Miss Bingley introduced us, and I imagine she was feeling lonely.” Realizing that this might sound like a criticism of his choice not to accompany Georgiana, she added quickly, “She is quite delightful, I must say. You must be very proud of her.”
“Thank you,” he said gravely. “I was surprised she wished to travel so far to attend Mr. Bingley’s wedding, but she was quite insistent, even though there would be few people of her acquaintance here. She has, of course, known Mr. Bingley for a great many years, and looks to him almost as to another brother.”
“I can sympathize with her; there are a great many more strangers here than I would have anticipated, but I gather Mr. Bingley has a very wide acquaintance.”
“You seem to know his groomsman quite well.” He had not meant his words to sound quite as accusing as they did, although it had been in his mind ever since he saw her walking down the aisle laughing with the man who had taken the place he had refused in the wedding. He had been indulging in the guilty pleasure of watching her during the wedding, storing up memories, and the sight of her clear enjoyment of another man’s company had brought out an uncontrollable surge of bitterly painful jealousy. It had taken every ounce of self-control he possessed not to snatch her away at that moment.
She gave him a puzzled look. “Not well; we only met a few days ago. He is very amusing - he is to be married himself soon, and is already full of bridegroom’s anxieties.”
He felt a greater relief at her words than he would have thought possible. What does it matter whether she looks at another man or not? he chided himself. She has made clear she wants nothing to do with you - what difference does it make who she chooses in your place? Despite his efforts, though, he knew it did make a difference; it was hard enough knowing she would never be his, but the idea of her with another man was completely intolerable. I should not have come, he thought, not for the first time that day.
All subjects of conversation seemed to fail them at this point, and apart from the occasional half-hearted effort on each of their parts to comment on the food or the occasion, they remained mostly in a silence which grew increasingly painful to Elizabeth. She could not stop wondering what he was thinking of her; his countenance seemed to suggest that he was far from pleased with the current situation. She could not say why it was that she suddenly wished so fiercely to see the sort of smile she had sometimes seen on his face when he had looked at her in the past, or some sign of the man who had ended his letter with, “I will only add, God bless you.”
She looked for comfort over towards Jane, and saw her blushing becomingly, her eyes cast down, as a smiling Bingley murmured something in her ear. The sense of pleasure she felt in this sight was tempered by the unexpected realization that she could no longer imagine herself ever being in Jane’s place; at some point, having refused Mr. Darcy had transformed in her mind to a knowledge that she would not marry anyone else. A deep sense of loneliness filled her, and she looked down abruptly, wondering when it had happened that she had bound herself to him in such a manner. In the cold silence of the man at her side she heard an echo from the past: I cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself....My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever. Little had she realized when she teased him that day how painfully this very characteristic would come to play against her.
It was more than she could bear. Fearing that her composure was at risk, Elizabeth hurriedly excused herself and slipped from the room. She sought out a back sitting room where she would be likely to be undisturbed, and took advantage of the quiet to try to calm her nerves. It is not as serious as all that, she lectured herself. After all, nothing has actually changed; you are no worse off than you were last night. So you no longer have his good opinion - this cannot be of importance, given that you will be unlikely to see much of him in the future. She would have to confide in Jane, she decided; if Jane knew the circumstances, she would help her avoid Mr. Darcy’s company when he might visit Mr. Bingley. She could only wish that she found these plans to be reassuring instead of acutely painful.
She did not wish to face him again, and had the event been any other than Jane’s wedding, nothing would have kept her from walking home to Longbourn at that moment, but she would do nothing to detract from Jane’s memories of her special day. She decided simply to remain where she was until she was calm enough to face him once more. No one would trouble her there, and she could just curl up in the window seat and look outside.
She sat there for a brief period of time until she was startled by a noise from behind her. Embarrassed, she jumped to her feet from her inelegant position only to see Mr. Darcy standing just inside the doorway, his cheeks as flushed as hers.
“Pardon me, Miss Bennet,” he said in a voice gentler than she had heard from him that day. “I did not wish to disturb you, only to tell you that I have decided to depart immediately, so you may return to the dining room whenever you wish. My regrets; it was never my intention to trouble you in any way.” He bowed slightly, clearly preparing to leave.
“No, wait, please, Mr. Darcy,” she said quickly. “Please do not leave on my account; I know how important your presence here today is to Mr. Bingley, whereas he may see me whenever he chooses. I will manage.”
He shook his head. “I cannot allow that. I would not wish to make you uncomfortable, and I am the unexpected guest.” His eyes were fixed upon her.
“Please, Mr. Darcy,” she said in a low voice. “I will be far more uncomfortable if you leave early.”
He looked at her, indecision clear in his expression. “If that is what you truly wish...”
“It is,” she replied, aching from the tension in the air between them.
He did not look happy. “Well, then, I will leave when the other guests begin to depart, if that is agreeable to you.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“I shall trouble you no longer, then. Please allow me to apologize for disturbing you on a day which should have been joyful.” He hesitated a moment before turning to depart.
Elizabeth felt a tight pain in her throat. “Only if you will accept my apologies as well for the untrue and unkind things I have said to you,” she said.
Darcy was torn between a desire to leave and a wish to remain with her. “Miss Bennet, you are very kind, but I have long since acknowledged that the fault that evening was mine. It is not an occasion I look back upon with pride.”
She had known that he must have regretted his choice to propose to her, but it was bitter to hear it so directly all the same; and she had trapped herself into a conversation which could have no happy resolution. She could think of nothing at all to say, and closed her eyes as she felt tears beginning to prick at them. “It is nothing, sir; please forget that I said anything,” she said, and was horrified to hear her voice trembling. The pain in her chest only grew worse, and, realizing she could no longer control herself, she chose the incivility of turning her back on him over the humiliation of allowing him to see her cry. She could only hope that he would take her hint and leave her.
Her wish was not to be granted, however. Instead, she felt his hand touch her arm lightly. “Please, Miss Bennet,” he said, his voice pained. “I am not worth your tears.”
His words only heightened her own sense of loss and she began to cry harder, covering her face with her hands. He stood looking at her in indecision for a minute, feeling helpless in face of her pain which he could not explain; and then, with an exclamation, he gave in to instinct and put his arms around her in hope of comforting her.