Chapter 17

Definition: Chirurgeon: A period word for doctor, it is the title of the first aid providers in the SCA.

Morning came slowly to Elizabeth. She had been up most of the night thinking and worrying, so that when she had finally surrendered to sleep, it was not going to release her easily.

She took it slow, enjoying the female company of Maria and Charlotte as they washed and dressed. It reminded her of her childhood, bustling around a crowded bathroom, waiting for the shower. Those weren't the best times of her life, but now, she found she kind of missed them and she found herself relaxing in the warmth of nostalgia.

When they were all dressed, the party walked to Rosings, where they were expected for breakfast. The mansion looked different in the daylight. Older and more sedate. Gone was the air of excitement that had filled it last night. Elizabeth moved through the silent rooms to an attractive dining room, where Mrs. De Bourgh and Anne sat.

"Good morning," Catherine said warmly.

"I'm so sorry we are late, Catherine. It took us awhile, with so many ladies," Bill simpered.

"Oh, you're not late at all, Bill," said Catherine dismissively. "Now ladies, please make yourselves comfortable." She gestured to the table.

Elizabeth sat with her friends and quickly helped herself to the coffee that was poured by a servant. It was rich and bitter, just the way she liked it.

"Did you enjoy yourselves last night?" Catherine asked her guests.

"Who could not enjoy such a wonderful affair," Bill gushed.

Elizabeth simply smiled and said "Yes, very much. Thank you."

"Elizabeth," Catherine said smiling, "Richard told me you had quite the surprise last night?" Her eyes were warm and curious.

Elizabeth nodded. "You could say that, Mrs. de Bourgh." She brushed a lock of hair from her face, "I had no idea that William would be here. It was very quite a shock to see him last night." She tried to keep her tone light, be she was uncomfortable with the conversation.

Catherine smiled at her, "William can be impulsive." She nodded, "I hope the surprise was not an unpleasant one."

Elizabeth blushed, "No, not at all."

"I'm glad." she said simply, then she turned to Bill to discuss their plans. Elizabeth was relieved to be off the hook. It was clear this pleasant old lady watched her family like a hawk. Elizabeth was sitting in the woman's table, so she really couldn't tell her to mind her own business as much as she wanted too. She just hoped that Mrs. de Bourgh's interference was limited to watching and information gathering.

"Elizabeth!" Richard called loudly as he entered the room. Elizabeth rolled her eyes, 'and breakfast was going so nice,' she griped. Then she turned to him and she could feel her eyes bug out at what she saw. Richard was walking around the table to greet his aunt. Instead of wearing Fire Island's best, he was wearing loose black pants, boots, a red tunic and a white belt. Elizabeth put her hand over her face to close her jaw.

"Oh! Surprised Lady Elizabeth?" Richard asked, seeing her expression. "We seem to do that frequently around here. Allow me to introduce myself," he walked to her chair and extended his hand, "Sir Richard Fitzwilliam, of House Pemberley."

Elizabeth numbly extended her hand and allowed him to kiss it. She should have known, he was the third knight in William's household. William had even once said his name was Richard. Elizabeth smiled politely and inclined her head, "My lord."

"I must confess, I'm surprised to see you here still." He gestured to the table as he took his seat. "I would think you would want to be closer to your quarry."

"My quarry?"

"Hmmm," he nodded, looking at her boldly.

Elizabeth was quickly on her way to hating this guy. Where did he get off? "If William was my quarry, my prey or even my target, I would, no doubt, be on site by now," she said coldly, "But he is none of those things to me."

"Oh?" Richard said as he raised an amused eyebrow, "What is he then?"

"He is my lord, and I am his lady," she said defiantly. Her eyes challenging him.

Richard looked pleased as he turned away from her, and Elizabeth realized she had just been played. It was clear that everyone wanted the details on her relationship with William and she was cheerfully giving it all out. What annoyed her the most was that she didn't feel like she knew anything more about their relationship than they did.

Thankfully breakfast ended soon enough and Elizabeth was able to return to 'the Parsonage' with Maria & Charlotte. Bill was spending the day with Catherine, working on something, and would pick Charlotte up at the event later that evening. With dressing, packing, and gossiping, the girls didn't reach the site until well after noon.

Elizabeth stopped her car and the three of them walked to troll to check in. Elizabeth was waiting for Charlotte to finish her paperwork when a young man approached her. "Lady Elizabeth?" he said.

"Yes," Elizabeth frowned. Did she know him? He looked kind of familiar.

"It's Michael, my lady. Sir Fitzwilliam's squire." he offered.

"Oh, of course!" she said. "What happened to your hair?"

Michael's head was shorn into a short crew cut. He rubbed it while smiling ruefully. "I always buzz it in the summer," he explained.

"For fighting?" Elizabeth had never heard of this, but she wasn't a fighter either.

"No, Swimming. I swim competitively," he explained.

Elizabeth nodded. She observed that he did have a long, lean swimmers build.

"My lord asked me to assist you in setting up, my lady," Michael continued.

"Oh," Elizabeth didn't like this. "Look, Michael, if you want to help me, that's great. But I don't want you playing step-n-fetch-it for me because William told you to."

Michael smiled pleasantly. "I assure you, my lady. I'm here of my own free will."

Elizabeth couldn't argue with this, so she introduced Michael to Maria and Charlotte, and the four got into the car and drove to the Meryton camp. Michael looked uncomfortable when Elizabeth got out of the car and opened the back to start unloading. "My lady?"

"Yes?"

"My lord has reserved a space for you in Pemberley." He pointed to the Pemberley encampment slightly further a field.

Elizabeth pursed her lips. "Oh, well, he didn't tell me that, and frankly, I'd prefer to camp with my friends." Elizabeth was getting really uncomfortable with this.

Michael nodded, murmuring "As you will, my lady," and began unloading her car.

Elizabeth had just finished getting her tent up when she turned to see William standing behind her, looking very unhappy. He was in full armor and surcoat and looked overheated.

"Michael!" he said sharply. Michael came to attention before him. "Did you not inform my lady of her space at Pemberley?"

"I did, sir. She preferred to camp here."

William's eyes flicked to hers. She looked back at him expectantly.

"My lady, I apologize. I should have discussed this with you yesterday," he said stiffly. "Would you like to camp at Pemberley?" 'with me,' his eyes added.

Elizabeth studied him. No, she wasn't ready for that. "Thank you, my lord. But I think I'd rather stay here."

William's mask was in full force, but Elizabeth knew he was unhappy. "I must return to the practice, my lady," he said in a pressed tone. "But I will see you later, won't I?"

It was a question. She could see it was a hard question for him to ask, but it clearly a question. "Yes, my lord. I believe we have a date for later." Her eyes warmed slightly with the memory of last night.

She could see him relax and he nodded to her and turned to the battlefield, then he turned back. "If you change your mind, my lady, my squires will be happy to move your gear to my camp."

Elizabeth smiled, touched by his words, that proved to her that this wasn't any easier for him than it was for her. "Thank you, my lord."

He nodded shyly and walked off. Elizabeth grinned to herself and finished her set up. She sent Michael away, because it felt uncomfortable having someone waiting on her and took her car to the parking lot.

Returning to her camp, she found she was already hot. The weather was clear, the sun was high and strong, and the temperature was almost 90 and climbing. Elizabeth quickly decided it was too hot for long sleeves and layers and instead put on a peplos. A female version of a toga, the peplos was a garment worn by women from the classical era through to the tenth century. It is tube of fabric six feet long. The one Elizabeth chose to wear that day was a light grayish purple made of cotton gauze. The tube went over her head and the top was folded down and pinned at her shoulder, draping it slightly in the front over her bosom. She belted it with a rope belt and added some bracelets and was set. Cool yet elegant!

Elizabeth sat with the Lucas's and some Barony friends under the camp commons. The Baroness wanted all the details of the party the night before and the CNN was in full swing. Elizabeth found out things she hadn't known, but she had to admit she was pretty distracted during the party. Laughter flowed like water, until suddenly everyone stopped. Elizabeth turned to see Michael standing quietly behind her, waiting to be recognized.

"Yes?"

"Forgive me, your Excellency," he said, nodding at the Baroness. "Lady Elizabeth, her Majesty has asked if you would join her at her canopy on the battlefield."

A chorus of mocking "ohhhhhh's" accompanied this announcement, which Elizabeth laughed at. "Excuse me," she said regally, "the Queen needs me." This prompted more laughter. Elizabeth had a strong suspicion that the Queen's need had something to do with William's need for her to be near, but she didn't object to that because she also wanted to see him. She stopped at her cooler. "Michael?"

"My lady?"

"When was the last time you had something to drink?" she asked.

"Ummm."

Elizabeth tossed him a bottle of Gatorade. "Drink that," she ordered. "Has my lord been drinking?"

Michael frowned. Elizabeth shook her head at this and grabbed two more bottles. "Let's go," she said pleasantly.

As they walked around the battlefield, Elizabeth watched the action there. She could see William, recognizing him by his shield. The fighters were in the middle of a large melee. "Why aren't you fighting?" she asked Michael, observing he wasn't armored up.

"I'm serving you today, my lady," he answered.

Elizabeth looked at him sideways. "Wouldn't you rather be fighting, my lord?"

"No," he said confidently.

She was puzzled. "Can I ask why?"

"Because, my lady," he said earnestly, "I have found you to be a person of great kindness and nobility of spirit," he smiled brightly at her. "Beside, being my Knight's lady, I have as much to learn from you in the ways of gentility, as I have to learn the ways of fighting from him."

Elizabeth was really not sure she liked that answer. She wasn't even sure she was William's girlfriend and now she was teaching his squires? She studied Michael briefly, concluding that apparently he was her squire for the day.

The Queen's canopy was an large canvas tent top with the arms of the King & Queen painted on it. There Elizabeth found the Queen, Avalina and two other ladies she didn't know. Elizabeth curtseyed to Yana, who stood up and hugged her. "It's good to see you again, Elizabeth," she welcomed her. Elizabeth exchanged quick hugs with Avalina, and turned to her seat. She was about to sit when she saw William striding purposefully across the battlefield to her. A hold had been called and the fighting had stopped.

William's eyes locked on hers as he closed the distance between them. He walked to her without slowing and picked her up into his arms. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around his neck as he leaned down and kissed her deeply. "You came," he sighed into her hair when he released her mouth. Elizabeth could feel very little of the man underneath the armor, but the strength of his embrace and voice told her everything she needed to know.

Elizabeth reached up and touched his face as he set her gently down on the ground. "We are well met, my lord," she said sweetly.

"Well met indeed, my lady," she marveled at the joy that shown in his eyes as he said this.

Elizabeth grinned and was greeted with the dimples she loved so much. "When was the last time you drank anything?" she asked warmly.

"Umm," he said blankly.

Elizabeth chuckled and handle him a bottle. "Drink it" she ordered as she pushed him into her seat and sat lightly on his lap. William kept an arm around her middle as he drained the bottle. Elizabeth found this whole exchange interesting, apparently he wouldn't show her affection before his squires, but the ladies of the court was another story. Or maybe he was simply just so happy she came to watch him? Her stomach fluttered at that idea.

"Thank you," William said as he put down the empty bottle. "I needed that."

Elizabeth clucked his chin, "You stick jocks," she teased. "You need keepers to stop you from hurting yourselves."

William rubbed his forehead against hers, "An excellent idea," he said, his voice low and deep. "I completely agree."

Elizabeth's stomach fluttered some more and she was grateful when Avalina asked, "How's it going out there?"

"Very good!" He enthused. "We've got a really strong field of fighters this year. I've been able to train them in some tactics and strategy, rather than everyone just beating on everyone."

The ladies refrained from saying anything in response to that, and only nodded encouragingly. William could sense they were trying not to giggle and decided to retreat. He gently pushed Elizabeth off of him and rose. "I've got to go back, break's over," he kissed her again. Elizabeth ignored his words and focused on the luxury of kissing his sexy lips, which went on for a wonderfully long time.

He finally broke free and with an apologetic glance, walked back to the field. Elizabeth looked at her companions as she sat down and all of them laughed. Elizabeth blushed slightly, but was spared further embarrassment when Yana announced that they needed to pick the unbelted champions for Pennsic. Elizabeth was passed a clipboard with a list of names, some of which she didn't recognize.

"Are these the fighters being considered?"

"Yes, they have been recommended by the chivalry."

Elizabeth studied the list, "I don't know everyone here. Who's Arial le Argent?"

"She's Sir Charles' squire," Avalina laughed. "She's in your household."

Elizabeth shrugged, "She's not in my house." She definitely wasn't sure how she felt about Charles' anything.

"Aren't you a member of Pemberley now?"

"I don't think so." Elizabeth answered lightly. "I'm not even camping with them."

"Oh, we just thought, with you and Fitzwilliam," Avalina looked at Yana and shrugged.

"I'm seeing the knight, but that doesn't mean I get the whole household, does it?" Avalina and Yana traded looks and Elizabeth's anxiety went up another notch, especially when she noticed Michael standing near by, but out of ear shot.

"Look, I haven't seen William since Coronation. I'm not sure where exactly we are in our relationship. That's something we need to work out this weekend." Elizabeth realized she was saying this more for her benefit than for the ladies. "So, who else is on this list we need to look at?" she asked trying to redirect the conversation.

The ladies turned their attention back to the fighters. Yana's plan was to name six fighters today, six more next weekend, at the Southern Region war camp, and the last eight at the Great Northern War, the weekend after that. The twenty champions would fight against the Middle Kingdoms Queen's 20 unbelted champions in a melee at Pennsic for a war point.

At five o'clock, William declared the practice over and Yana took the field with her ladies in tow. She spoke to the fighters of her gratitude for their work and service to the Kingdom, and how proud she was of all of them. Then she announced her unbelted champions. The six fighters stepped forward and bowed before her. Elizabeth and Avalina passed the queen sashes of gold with a blue tiger, the symbol of the Kingdom, embroidered on them, which the Queen put on each of her champions. When it was done, a great cheer erupted on the field, and then the fighters moved off, gathering their gear and returning to their camps.

Elizabeth saw William standing with Richard, congratulating two fighters with gold sashes. "Elizabeth," he called to her.

She walked towards him, he met her half way and led her back to the group. "Elizabeth, I don't think you know everyone," he said. "This is Lady Arial, and Lord Raf. You've met Richard, of course." Elizabeth shook hands with the lady and let Raf kiss her hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she said politely to Ari. "Someone told me you are Sir Charles' squire, my lady?"

Arial nodded. "That's right, my lady."

Elizabeth found that she was disturbed by the memory of Charles' name. "Congratulations," Elizabeth said, observing the woman's champions sash.

"Thank you, my lady." she said politely.

William sensed Elizabeth's discomfort and suggested they go back to camp. "Will you dine with us, my lady?" he asked Elizabeth as he held her hand.

Elizabeth looked at him, wishing she could have some time alone with him to talk about everything she was feeling. He looked very sincere in his request, so she agreed to him, willing to trust they would find some time to be alone. "What are you having?" she asked.

"Pizza," he shrugged.

Elizabeth stopped a moment, "Pizza?" She raised an eyebrow, "The great house of Pemberley, House 'Moreperiodthanyou' is having pizza for dinner?"

William looked embarrassed. "Well, we all fight and no one cooks, so we just go down the road and there's a pizza shop . . ."

Elizabeth laughed heartily as she shook her head in disbelief. "You're all just a bunch of stick jocks, you know that, don't you."

William dropped his sword and shield and picked up Elizabeth, "I have been told that," he growled.

Elizabeth shrieked with laughter as William carried her towards Pemberley. "Michael!" William bellowed, without looking back.

"Got it," was the reply. Elizabeth looked over William's shoulder to see Michael picking up William's fallen equipment.

"You really get into this, don't you? she asked, her voice still warmed by her laughter.

"Into what?"

"The whole knight thing. Having squires waiting on you hand and foot, being a lord."

He frowned, "Not as much as you might think. But I am a knight, and they are my students. We have an understanding." He looked at her, concern tainting his features. "They don't do anything they don't want too, Elizabeth."

"I know. Michael gave me the whole speech about how being that I am your lady, it was his duty to serve me and learn the 'gentle arts' from me." She sighed, "Apparently being your lady comes with responsibilities I didn't know about."

"There are added benefits too," he said suggestively.

"Oh really?" she asked coyly. "Perhaps you could explain some of these benefits to me later," she said as her fingers slipped up to touch his hair.

"I think that could be arranged," he said as he slowly kissed her.

William put her down as they entered the camp. "Welcome to Pemberley," he said grandly in his best Errol Flynn imitation.

Elizabeth smiled at his acting, "Very nice." He walked her towards his tent. She saw a empty space beside it. "That's where my tent goes?"

"If you wish, my lady," he answered carefully. "No pressure."

"And if I want to sleep here?" she nodded at his tent. She was a little surprised at her words. Did she really want to sleep with William, or was she just testing him?

William touched her face gently. "Whatever my lady wishes."

Elizabeth stared into his beautiful eyes. "You won't pull back this time?"

William shook his head slightly, his eyes burning into hers. "I won't. I know what I want now. I'll never pull away again."

Elizabeth trembled from the intensity of the feelings running through her. She instinctively stepped into his arms and felt steel plates instead of a man. "I, ah, guess you should get your armor off."

William grinned with her. "Good idea." He took her hand and led her into the tent.

"Couldn't Michael do this?" she asked somewhat dubiously.

"He could," William conceded, "but why should he do it and not you?"

"Because he knows what he's doing," she said dryly.

William smiled, "Come on," he said, holding out a steel encased arm. "It's good training for you."

"Oh, so you want me to know how to get men out of their armor?" she asked archly.

"Not men," he kissed her. "Just me."

Elizabeth let herself be pacified with his kiss and helped William get out of his armor. She was shocked when she saw a vivid purple bruise on his right arm. "William!"

William followed her eyes to his arm. "Oh, that," he said flatly.

"How did you do that?"

He shrugged, "In one of the melees this afternoon I got taken out. I was laying on the ground dead, and before I could get clear, there was a big push, right over me. I got stepped on," he grinned ruefully.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she gently examined the injury.

"I'm fine," he smiled, clearly touched by her concern. "Big, tough knight, remember?"

Elizabeth smiled and nodded, relieved that he was all right.

"Will," a voice called in.

"Yes, Richard," he answered.

Richard entered the large, cool pavilion. "We're going to go swimming. You interested?" He eyed Elizabeth.

"Sounds great," William agreed. He looked to Elizabeth, "Would you like to go swimming?" he asked.

"That does sound great," she agreed.

"Okay," Richard said and left. William took off his sweat stained tunic and wrapped his arms around Elizabeth. She trailed her arms up and around his neck. "A nice little swim, some pizza, and then you and I can talk," he said contentedly.

"Talk?" Elizabeth asked archly.

"Yes, talk," he was serious as he looked into her eyes, "I really need to talk to you Elizabeth. There are some things I need to tell you."

Elizabeth realized he was right. There were things she needed to know and say, and talking before anything further happened in their relationship would be much smarter than talking after. "Okay," she agreed, smiling. "We'll talk."

William kissed her soundly, his hand cupping the base of her skull as his tongue probed her mouth. Elizabeth returned his kiss eagerly, letting her hands stroke his strong, bare back. This went on for a long, pleasurable time, until Elizabeth could feel Will becoming erect. She pulled herself off of him with a mighty effort. "I'd better go get my suit, otherwise I don't think we'll get that talk."

William smiled in a lazy, sexy way that made Elizabeth want to throw him on the bed that second. "You don't need a suit," his voice was husky.

"What? I should swim in this?" She indicated her peplos.

William stared at the soft, thin fabric, knowing it would be completely transparent in the water. He grew harder at the thought of it and nodded slowly.

Elizabeth caught his look and her breath deepened. "If it was just you and me, I would," she whispered.

"If it was just you and me, my lady, you wouldn't." His eyes made his meaning perfectly clear.

Elizabeth realized that William was just as torn as she was between desire and the need to talk. She figured it would be a good time to make her exit. She stumbled backwards out of the tent and almost tripped on the guy ropes.

"Elizabeth," Richard said as he helped her right herself. "Are you okay?"

"Um, ah, yeah," Elizabeth said, struggling to regularize her breathing. "I, ah," what was she doing? Suit! "I was going to go to my camp to get my swim suit."

Richard smiled. She noticed he was wearing trunks with his red tunic thrown over it. "Let me walk you then," he offered.

Elizabeth was surprised, but didn't object. "You, ah, seem different, Richard," she said. "Have you decided I'm not chasing William for his money?"

Richard glanced her at her sideways. "I've decided that Darcy dear cares for you very much, and it would hurt him to be mean to you, so I'm offering the olive branch."

"Well," she said surprised, "I have to admit that I appreciate your honesty. You seem very protective of William."

Richard laughed harshly. "Elizabeth, Pemberley is a house made up of three single rich men. Now you may not have noticed this, but I have, and I can assure you, many other single ladies have noticed as well. So, like good brothers, we watch each other's backs."

"I can see you are very faithful to the task," she observed archly. "You seem especially wary of any lady interfering in your little brotherhood. But I can't see William or Charles being quite so diligent ."

"Au contraire, cheri," he answered, "Just last week William was telling me how he had to talk Charles out of entering Crown for someone."

"Really?" Elizabeth asked surprised. Had Charles found someone else?

"Oui," he answered. "In fact, it seems he wanted to enter the May Crown for her and when he didn't, the bimbo dumped him not a week later."

Elizabeth stopped. She couldn't move. "Are you sure?" she asked desperately.

"Quite sure, William sounded quite pleased with himself." Richard noticed that her face had gone white as a sheet. "Elizabeth, are you okay?"

"I, I don't think so."

"Should I take you to the chirurgeons?" he asked concerned.

"NO! No, I just need to lay down." She moved towards her camp. "The heat . . ."

Richard took her arm and brought her to her tent. He opened all the windows and got a bottle of Gatorade from her cooler. "Here, drink this."

Elizabeth nodded blankly and drank from the bottle he gave her. "You don't look well, Elizabeth."

"I'm okay," she said weakly, "I just need to lay down," she repeated.

"Are you sure you shouldn't go swim. If you are overheated that would be best."

"No!" She protested, "Richard, really, I just need to rest, please!"

Richard nodded, checking her forehead and frowning. "You don't feel too warm. Rest here, and when you feel better, I really think you should wet yourself down."

Elizabeth nodded, ignoring him. Richard took a last look at her, "I'll check on you in a little while," he offered and he left.

Elizabeth laid back on her air mattress and covered her face. 'Oh my God, oh my God!' she repeated to herself. Jane! He was talking about Jane! No, it wasn't possible. Was it? Why would he do that? Why would William do such a thing to Jane?

Wickham's words came back to her, "Be careful, I wouldn't want to see you get hurt" Oh God! It wasn't Elizabeth who had been hurt, but Jane, dearest, sweetest Jane, who had never hurtanyone! But why? Why would he do that?

William ran into her tent at that moment. "Elizabeth, what's wrong?" He took in the look of pain and devastation on her face. "Good Lord!"

Elizabeth's eyes focused on William. "Did you?" she asked weakly.

"Did I what?" he asked.

Elizabeth swallowed and tried again, "Richard said that you talked Charles out of entering crown for Jane," her eyes bored into his, searching his. "Did you?"

William's face turned grave as he knelt beside her. "I did," he said softly. "And considering how things turned out, I can't say I'm sorry I did."

"WHAT?" She exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how Jane has suffered?"

William reached out to touch her arm, "Elizabeth, I never meant to hurt Jane. I would never do that to her, or to you." Elizabeth pulled her arm back. William looked intently into her eyes, "Elizabeth, don't you know that?"

"No", Elizabeth shook her head, "I don't know anything right now. I can't believe you would do that."

"Elizabeth, I was only trying to protect Charles." She stared at him in disbelief. "Listen to me! I'm not the one who caused Jane to break up with Charles."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.

"Please, talk to me," he said desperately. "Elizabeth, please, I love you."

Elizabeth sat up slowly and looked into his eyes, "What?" she whispered.

"I love you, Elizabeth," he said earnestly.

"How can you say that?" she asked angrily. "You don't love me!"

"I do!" he insisted. "Elizabeth, I do love you! I have for months," he tried to calm his voice, "Elizabeth, don't you see. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I love you and I want to be with you, forever," he said softly.

Elizabeth could only stare it him. William was getting nervous. This was not what he had planned. "Elizabeth, I'm very sorry that Charles and Jane didn't work out, but you can't let that stop us. I love you. I want you to come back with me to Boston, to be with me."

"How dare you?" she hissed angrily. "How dare you just waltz in here and think you can just pick me up and take me home like a stray puppy. I can't believe you are so arrogant. No! Wait! On second thought, I can believe it."

"But what about last night, I thought-"

"You thought?!? Really? I find that hard to believe. I've seen very little evidence of it, William. All I've seen is that you want. Last night was lovely, wonderful, very . . . But then I get here, and I see you want me to camp next to you, you want me to teach your squires, and now you want me to come home with you. But the thing is, you never once thought about what I want, did you?"

"I thought we wanted the same things," he said quietly.

"Oh really? And how did you know that? Are you psychic, because you certainly never asked me!"

"But I love you. I know it's going to take some time, I realize that, but Elizabeth, you are all I've thought about. I've missed you so much and I need to be with you."

"William, it is not about time! It's the fact that you don't respect me. It's that fact that you don't treat me like a person. It's the fact that I don't even have your fucking phone number!" she screamed.

"Elizabeth, you don't throw away someone's love over what's on a business card!" he said as he grasped her shoulders, his eyes wild and desperate.

"Love?" She said shocked. "Will, don't you get it? You don't love me! You don't even know me! And I certainly don't know you."

She drew a shuddering breath. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me alone for two months without a word from you. You wouldn't have let me wait a moment longer than you had to before seeing me. You would have thought for a moment about what I was feeling, and what I wanted. You would have treated me like I matter, like a person, instead of using me like a blow-up Barbie doll when it was convenient." Her eyes turned cold, "You don't love me, you don't know what love is."

"Elizabeth," he gasped.

"No, I don't want hear it, you have nothing further to say to me. How could you ever think that I could love you after you destroyed Jane? How?" She was becoming angry and her words became sharp like knives.

"Elizabeth, I swear on my honor -"

"SHUT UP!" she snapped at him. "You have no honor as far as I'm concerned. Your word is meaningless to me. I can't believe anything you say anymore. Why should I?"

William's eyes turned like a switch from hot to cold, "You are questioning my word?"

"Oh, I have no question about it at all! I don't believe you anymore than I would George Wickham!"

"How dare you compare me to him?" he hissed.

"Why shouldn't I?" she spat, "Right now there seems to be very little difference between you. I dismissed what he said about you as lies, but maybe that was a mistake." Her eyes flared like missiles, "He knew an awful lot about you, William. More than I ever did," she said bitterly.

"You don't mean that," he breathed, shaking his head.

"I don't? Who do you think you, are telling me what I mean and what I don't? When I first met you, I thought you were the most arrogant dick I had ever seen, but then I thought, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he's just shy. But no," her voice soared, "I was right the first time. You are an arrogant snob, and I'm just a convenient little kitchen girl to you!"

William closed his eyes tightly as his hands slowly opened and closed into fists. "Fine, I can see it's useless trying to talk to you. I thought you loved me, I thought you felt for me like I felt about you. I thought you were different. Clearly I have made a very stupid mistake." His eyes flashed angrily, "I'm offering you everything: My heart, my life, my name and yes, my money! But you would rather hold on to your hurt, and your stupid little life, and your righteous indignation." His face closed off into an emotionless mask. "I'm deeply sorry, for everything."

Elizabeth couldn't believe what she was hearing and lashed out at him. "Get out! Get out of my tent and get out of my life and I hope to God I never see you again!"

William started at her face, then spun on his heel and left.

Elizabeth dropped to her knees. As the rage leaked out of her body, she grew numb and empty. "Fuck!" she swore, as she fell on the bed and laid still.

*****

William strode to his camp and found Richard, "What did you tell her?" he hissed angrily.

"What?"

"Elizabeth!" he spat, "What did you tell her about Charles?"

'I told her you talked him into dumping some bimbo before the girl dumped him." He looked William up and down, "why?"

Crack! went Richard's jaw as William's right fist slammed into it. "You fucking moron!" he exploded. "That 'bimbo' is Elizabeth's sister!" By this point Michael and Ari were on William, holding him back, while Raf was holding back his knight.

"Shit!" Richard swore.

"Exactly, now Elizabeth doesn't want to ever see me again!" he lunged towards Richard while the squires struggled against him.

"Look William, I'm sorry if she dropped you, but it's not my fault if you can't keep a girl." Richard words cut through William like a knife. He dropped like a stone, no longer struggling against the squires. "She's gone, oh my God, what have I done?" he said in shocked disbelief. Michael dragged William into his tent and handed him the scotch he had kept ready. William drank deeply. Closing his eyes, he felt the sharp pain in his heart. He had blown it. He had really blown it.

After a few minutes Richard entered and gestured Michael out. When they were alone, Richard lightly slapped William's face.

"What was that for?" William asked dully.

"Let this be the last blow you take unanswered," he quoted.

William nodded mutely. "I love her, Richard. What am I to do? I love her and she never wants to see me again," his voice was soft and scared, like a lost child.

Richard sighed, Shit, this was worse than he had feared. "Do you think that maybe she was just angry. Maybe she will feel different when she calms down?"

William shook his head sadly. "I don't think so. If you could have seen her face. She blames me for Charles and Jane breaking up. And I think she believes Wickham."

"Wickham? What has that bastard got to do with this?"

"I left her with him when I was gone. He was telling her lies about me."

"Oh fuck!" Richard slammed his fist into his hand. "You did screw up! How could you leave her with that monster?"

"I had the trip, Richard! You don't cancel a multi-million dollar business trip for a girl, do you?"

"You tell me, William. Knowing what you know now, if you had it to do again, would you have gone on that trip, or stayed with Elizabeth."

William shut his eyes painfully, "I never would have left her," he said, his voice breaking, "not for a moment"

Richard frowned and shook his head. "You have to tell her the truth, Will. That's your only hope."

William shook his head. "I have no hope, Rich. I got angry, and I said some things I never should have," He put his head in his hands, "I have nothing."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," William said dully, 'I don't know what I can do."

"Will, listen to me," Richard said. "Let her cool down, then talk to her. That's your problem Will, you never talk to them. Tell her you are sorry. Let her get lumps in, take it like a man, and it will be better, you'll see."

William shook his head, "She said she never wants to see me again."

"William!" Richard took his cousin by the shoulders and shook him, "Listen to yourself! You are William Darcy! Surely you can think of something!"

William's eyes looked into Richard's. He was right. Richard was always right. He was a man, he was going to act like one. "Okay," he nodded.

"Good, what are you doing to do?"

"The only thing I can do," he said. "She won't listen to me, so I'm going to write to her. Hopefully she will read it and not rip it into a hundred pieces."

Richard said nothing, but sat and watched over his friend and cousin as William poured out his heart onto paper, until late in the night.

Chapter 18

Sunday, July 6, 2001

Elizabeth woke with a pounding headache. Her head throbbed as she lay on her air mattress, still wearing her dress from yesterday. She knew she was dehydrated and that was the problem with her head.

But the headache was nothing to the gaping hole in her chest.

She had to leave NOW! She couldn't deal with . . . Couldn't think about . . . 'Go Lizzy, Get in your car and go!' she told herself. She pulled on a tee shirt and shorts and bolted for her car. It was still early. Elizabeth hadn't checked the time, but she was pretty certain it wasn't even 8 yet.

She walked silently to the parking lot as fast as she could. Then she stopped short. Waiting against her Volvo was William. Elizabeth turned away, but he had seen her.

"Liz," he called to her.

She had just enough dignity left not to run. She squared her shoulders and turned to face him. He looked terrible. Haggard, wrinkled, she could tell he hadn't slept. She wondered how long he had been waiting for her. It didn't occur to her that he knew she would come to her car first thing.

William held out a packet of folded papers. His eyes met hers with difficulty. "Would you please read this?" he asked politely, as he handed it to her and strode away. Elizabeth looked at the papers in her hand. She couldn't think about this. She had to just leave. She put the packet on the passenger seat and brought the car to her camp. In less than half an hour she was packed. She said goodbye to the Lucas', asking them to bring back anything she might have forgotten, and was on the highway before 9am.

She didn't think on the drive home. She couldn't. She just drove, the car unusually silent, due to the lack of music from the radio. But Elizabeth didn't want music now. She just needed to get home.

She sat for a long time in the car when she got home, until the rising July heat drove her into the apartment. She was tempted to leave her gear in the car, but she knew she had to unpack it now, before she started thinking. Once everything was inside, then she could think. She unloaded her camping equipment and possessions mechanically, and then poured herself a large glass of water, realizing she hadn't eaten anything yet. Jane was still at her aunt's. She had no one else to think about.

When everything was settled, she sat on her couch and slowly opened the letter. It was several pages of William's neat scrawl written on green engineering paper. At first she couldn't make out the words, her mind refused to, instead she saw before her the pain in his eyes as he handed the note to her. Pain even his mask couldn't hide. With a deep breath, she started reading the letter.

Elizabeth,

Do not worry, I'm not writing to profess my feelings to you. I will never make that mistake again.

I'm writing because I believe you are under a misapprehension. I respect you and would not want you to act due to false pretenses.

Concerning Jane and Charles, I believe I never fully explained what happened. As you know, Charles and I left Boston and arrived in Rome. While we were there, Charles called Caroline constantly, hoping to hear from Jane. He was bitterly disappointed to learn that Jane had not called. By the end of that week, Caroline informed me that she had called Jane herself, and had personally given Jane Charles' phone number, and that Jane had informed her that she was 'moving on'.

Elizabeth stopped breathing. Her mouth hung open, limp and forgotten. Then a horrible realization came upon her, and she gasped and read faster.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done to tell Charles that Jane no longer wanted him. You may not know the full story, and I'm sorry if this is difficult for you to learn, but I must tell you the truth. Charles loved Jane, and he told me the night of Coronation that he intended to propose to her.

He also told me that he wished to enter Crown Tournament for her. I admit I did discourage him from this. I felt that he did not know Jane well enough for their relationship to endure the strain of a reigning year, and I also pointed out that his career currently required too much of his time for that kind of responsibility. I said what I thought was correct then. I meant no disrespect to Jane. I was deeply disappointed, for both of them, when Charles' relationship with Jane ended.

Concerning George Wickham. Forgive me if my writing is awkward, this is a very difficult story to tell. George's father was my father's general manager at D-Tech and his close friend. George and I spent much of our time together as boys, because we were close in age, and neither of us had siblings. (Until my sister was born.) We were close friends as children, and when George's father died, my father promised to take care of George.

Unfortunately, George became out of control when he reached College. I don't know why. Some people just lose themselves in the freedom of the experience, I suppose. Whatever the reason, George did very poorly his first year at MIT and did not return following summer break.

I wish I could say I missed him, but the fact of the matter was George had turned into someone I did not like or respect. He fell into excessive drinking, and I suspect, drug use. He used women as objects and poured though any cash he received as quickly as he got it. It hurt me to see my friend behaving this way, and I spoke to him many times about his actions, but he was determined to enjoy his reckless lifestyle.

I didn't see him again until my father's funeral. He came and grieved very publicly with us, but I admit I questioned his sincerity. As soon as my father was buried, he came and asked me for money. He told me he was ready to go back to College, that he had learned his lesson. I hoped rather than believed him. Nevertheless, I gave him $20,000, with the promise of more, when he successfully completed his first year. He didn't complete the year, and when he returned for more money I turned him away. I did not see him again for years after that, and I was happy to let him pass out of my life.

Until last summer. What I am now going to reveal to you I trust you will keep private, as it concerns my sister. My sister, Georgianna has been in the SCA for a number of years with me. Last summer, she arranged to get a job at Pennsic being a nanny to a family we knew. While Georgianna certainly did not need the money, I felt it would be a good experience for her to have some independence and responsibilities. She was camping with her employers, the Youngs, who assured me they would care for her as if she were one of their own family. I was grievously mistaken in placing my trust in them.

Mrs. Young turned out to be a friend of George Wickham. He had set the nanny job up, and arranged to be camping with them as part of his scheme. I remember walking down to to visit her the Sunday of war week, and discovering Georgianna drunk and in George's arms. She was only 17 then to his 28. You can imagine what I did, and what I said. I removed Georgianna from the Youngs, and we left for home immediately.

My sister was devastated. Wickham had convinced her that he loved her. I believe he was trying to obtain a wealthy bride who he could divorce for a quick pile of money, as Georgianna's personal wealth is substantial. In doing so, he would also get his revenge on me for whatever imagined insults I had caused him. Had he succeed in taking away my sister and my only remaining family, he would have destroyed me. Of that I have no doubt.

Georgianna was devastated by the experience. That is why I spent so much time in Boston earlier this year. She has lost much of her faith in people and has withdrawn, tolerating only a very small group of long term acquaintances.

This is how George Wickham knew so much about my life. I have never had an affair with any of George's women, either stateside or abroad. For the truth of this, I offer my cousin Richard, who knows all of these facts and can vouch for my honesty.

In closing, I can only say I wish you happiness.

William M. Darcy

Elizabeth sat still for a very long time feeling numb and empty. Then her brain started processing the information in the letter.

Charles had called Caroline with his number? Caroline said that Jane had never called? Charles was going to propose??? Oh God!! Elizabeth was in complete shock. Charles did love Jane!

Elizabeth closed her eyes and sank further down on the couch. Caroline had lied. She had lied to Jane, and to Charles, and to William. And nobody knew it, except her. What was she going to do? She could tell Jane, but what if Charles had already moved on. William had said Charles was really hurt by Jane's leaving. And she still had no way to contact him. Charles hadn't been at the War Camp, what had she heard? That he was in Japan? Damn it!

Elizabeth didn't dare Jane's hopes up, only to find that Charles never wanted to see her again. And who could blame him? He was told that Jane dumped him. No, she would have to keep it a secret. She could never tell Jane about Charles.

Once that resolution was made, she was forced to deal with the rest of the equation: William. What had happened? She didn't know. He . . . She . . . She had acted like a moron. That was what she had done. She had never even given him the chance to explain himself. SHIT! If she had just listened to him, listened to what he was saying, she would have realized what was going on. He had even said it:I'm not the one who caused Jane to break up with Charles.

She realized that she had been wrong about William. She had never trusted him. Well, how could she? He did take off for months and leave her alone, and he was selfish and arrogant.

She tried to hold on to her anger at him, but slow tears leaked out of her eyes as she recalled the painful words she had told him. "You don't love me, you don't know what love is." That was all he wanted. He wanted to love her. He wanted her love in return. Then she reread the bitter opening sentences of the letter. She had broken his heart. William, her sweet William, who haunted her dreams and filled her waking thoughts, had tried to tell her he loved her and she had rejected him. She had freaked out and wouldn't give him a chance. He had been right. They needed time, and she was the one who had blown it! She was the one who had asked to sleep with him! She was the one who wouldn't listen to him when it all fell apart.

She had broken his heart, and he would certainly never want to see her again. She closed her eyes and remembered the pain she saw in his face. Was that only this morning? In less than 24 hours she had not only broken William's heart, but had destroyed her sister's best chance for happiness and, she admitted painfully to herself, her own.

She felt the pain wash over her. In the silent, dark room, the pain ripped through her heart, and she welcomed it. Because she knew she deserved it. Her stupidity had paid for it in cash. She had vainly thought herself a woman of great discernment. Ha! Lies, all fucking lies. She was as blind as a bat. She couldn't see that William loved her, she couldn't see that he was as hurt over Charles's heartbreak as she was over Jane's, she couldn't see enough to trust William to reach out to her. She couldn't discern anything. She was not smart, not witty, and certainly not perceptive. All the qualities she had prided herself on proved to be a joke. She didn't know who or what she was at that moment, but she knew she didn't like it.

*****

Tuesday, July 8, 2001

Elizabeth sat on the couch. It had become her spot. She had barely moved the last two days, only to take care of the barest essentials of life. And to get her scroll.

She held the frame gently in her hands as her eyes covered every inch of it, again and again. She couldn't look at the letter that had accompanied it. That was too hard. She put it with the other letter, the one he wrote at War Camp. They were like her documentation of her crimes: 'William before Lizzy fucked him up' and 'William after Lizzy'. Clear proof to anyone what a horrible person she was.

But the scroll, that she could look at in something resembling peace. She studied each brush mark, and in her mind's eye, she could see him, sitting at a drafting table, working on it, his brow furrowed. She could see him researching for a period source, to base his design on. She wondered if he had actually gone to England and had seen the work he had chosen. He could, she knew. With his money he could do whatever he wanted too. And he had chosen to work long hours on this gift, that was just for her. Once again, she was amazed and galled at her own stupidity. 'Jesus, What did he have to do, Liz? Put up a fucking billboard telling you he like you?' Not liked, her mind amended, 'loved'. Loved, as in past tense.

She was staring blankly at the scroll when Jane came in. Elizabeth didn't even look up. "Lizzy?" Jane asked, in shocked dismay.

****

It didn't take that long. Elizabeth had already prepared what she was going to tell Jane, and what she wouldn't. She had rehearsed her story, and it actually eased some of her pain to tell it.

Jane was completely surprised, but never judgmental. She listened carefully, asking questions and letting Lizzy get it all out. Jane couldn't believe that William had come back, and that he had never called.

She was careful to only ask about Charles once, and to bury her feelings of him deep in her heart. Her sister needed her now, and Jane was going to focus on that. Jane made a silent resolution, and later that night called her aunt.

*****

Thursday, July 10, 2001

Georgianna Darcy walked down the long hall of the wing of Pemberley that contained her bedroom. It was late, almost midnight, and she saw the faint light coming from her brother's room. She was hoping he would try and sleep.

'Jesus H. Christ. What the hell was going on here?' she thought, as she quietly entered the room. William was staring out the large window at the lights of Boston, far below their hill top estate. He didn't even know she was there.

She had no idea what had happened over the weekend. William had gone away happy and excited, and came back a totally different person. He had hardly said two words to her since his return and she could tell he was avoiding her presence. He had stayed up late every night this week, sleeping in and not getting to D-Tech until noon.

And he was drinking. That was what bothered her. The row of empty scotch bottles he had in a line in his room. Now there were 4. Four bottles in four days. That really scared her.

She had called Richard yesterday. Well, actually she had called him everyday this week. She finally talked to him yesterday. She reported William's behavior, which he had listened to with concern, then he dismissed her. "It's something he has to work through, Muffin," Richard had told her. 'MUFFIN!' FUCK! She was 18! She had so wanted to hang up on Richard when he said that. She probably should have, because talking to him did no good at all. He was clearly not going to tell her a thing, through he would happily take what ever intelligence she had.

If it had been her brooding and drinking like a fish, William would have gotten it out of her in 5 seconds flat! He would have tortured her on a rack, if that's what it took, but she was supposed to just ignore William's behavior, pretend it was normal? She didn't think so.

Squaring her shoulders, she announced her presence. "William?" she said in a clear, carefully neutral voice. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

William turned to face her so slowly it would make a glacier envious. "No, Georgie," he said, his eyes regarding her as if he wasn't sure if she was real, or a scotch induced apparition. He opened his mouth again, as if to say more, but then stopped.

Georgianna sat down. This would take awhile, but that was fine. She had all night. She wasn't going to leave until William talked. It was a new role for her to play, but damn it, William was all she had, she couldn't leave him like this.

William turned back to the window. He tried to speak again. "Georgie . . ." his voice broke and he leaned his head against the glass. "Georgie," he said again, "I'm going to give Pemberley to you." His voice was low and sad. "I don't want it anymore. I can't live in this big house alone"

"William?" Georgianna had a terrible feeling in her gut. Whatever it was, it was much worse than she had believed. William loved his home, almost as much as he loved her. "William, What are you talking about? You're only 28, what do you mean you'll live here alo . . "

Her words were interrupted by a tumbler hitting the wall and shattering. Georgianna looked up, shocked, at William's face. "DON'T!" he barked. "Don't patronize me!" his voice was thick with drink and anger.

"William," Georgianna said, her voice stronger than she felt, "What is going on here? Why are you doing this? What happened?"

"You want to know what happened?" He asked, he voice tight with surpressed rage. Georgianna nodded, meeting and holding his gaze.

"Fine! I'll tell you. I told her I loved her," he stopped for a moment. "I told her I loved her, and . . . and she said she never wanted to see me again," his voice faded to a harsh whisper.

Georgianna's eyes widened and she went to embrace him as he sagged against her. She had no idea who William was talking about, but it didn't matter. Georgianna brought him to the couch, and sat with him as he slowly poured out his story, stopping when ever his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. Georgianna wished he would just let it all out and cry, but she accepted that he couldn't. She learned that 'she' was Elizabeth, the girl Georgianna had never met, but had heard so much about. She remembered the scroll William had worked on so hard on for her.

Georgianna's first reaction was anger at this woman for hurting he brother. But she quickly realized it wouldn't help. William couldn't even be angry at her. He felt she was completely justified in her harsh words to him. Georgianna didn't see it quite that way, but she was willing to let it go by, for his sake.

As William described the scene at War Camp for the third time, Georgianna realized something her dear brother had missed. "William, look at me." She waited till his red, glassy eyes fixed on her. "William, don't you understand? She doesn't know you."

The confusion on his face told her he didn't get it, so she continued. "William, she doesn't really know you. She said so herself." She patted his face gently, "Of course, she doesn't love you. You can't love someone you don't know, can you?"

She waited while William processed this information. When his eyes returned to hers, with a open, curious light, she continued. "William, you can't love someone you don't know, and I know she doesn't know you, because if she did, I know she would love you." Georgianna leaned forward, touching her forehead to his. "Will, you have to let her know you. You have to let her in," she said earnestly.

"Georgie," he said brokenly, "she never wants to see me again." His voice was horrible, the pain in it ripped through her heart.

"Are you sure about that, Will?" she asked. "Are you sure she wasn't just really angry?" She looked down, "Sometimes people say things when they are angry they regret later." Georgianna wasn't strictly talking about Elizabeth at the moment, but she would deal with that later. "Are you so sure that she meant it that you are willing to give her up?"

William looked at her, his lips pressed tightly together. "What should I do?" he asked. He had never been in this position before. He had always told Georgianna what to do. He had never asked her for advice. It was hard for him.

"When you see her again, let her in. Let her get to know the real you. The you that you keep locked away from everyone, and don't push her. Not every one is like you Will. You make up your mind, and bang, it's done! Most people need time to work things out." Georgianna smiled sadly, "Both of you are going to need time."

William nodded, as he realized she was correct. "I don't even know when I'll see her again," he said softly.

"Well, there's always Pennsic," Georgianna reminded him softly.

William regarded her. He realized his baby sister was a new person, an adult. How did that happen? He hugged her tightly. He didn't know when Georgianna had grown up so much, but he was grateful she had.

*********

Sunday, July 13, 2001

Elizabeth was staring again when she heard Jane's voice. She had been doing a lot of that lately. Just staring at nothing. It was like her brain was too full to work her eyes.

"Lizzy," Jane said, "Aunt Maddy wants to talk to you." Jane handed her the phone and it took great effort for Elizabeth to put it to her ear and say "Hello."

"Lizzy!" her aunt's normally cheerful voice was full of concern. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

"Umm," Elizabeth didn't know how to answer. She was breathing, she was existing, that was about it. "Okay, I guess," she finally said.

"Jane told me you were feeling kind of down," her aunt admitted.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Elizabeth felt some of the tightness leaving her chest as she opened herself to the woman who understood her better than her mother. "It just, there's this guy, and I don't know. I think I really messed it up, Aunt Maddy, and the worse part is, I can't even contact him to say I'm sorry."

Madeline Gardener listened sympathetically. Elizabeth and Jane were more than her nieces, they were her valued friends. It hurt her to hear Lizzy so depressed and unlike herself. "Well, I'm afraid I can't help you there, Lizzy, but maybe I could take your mind off of it. How would you like to go away with us next weekend?"

"Away?"

"Yes, Jane has offered to come and watch the children, and you and I and Edward will go to the Great Northern War."

Elizabeth felt her jaw drop, How could she be so stupid! Of course, the Great Northern War! William would have to be there!

The Great Northern War was a weekend event on the coast of Maine. It was always the last event before Pennsic. The last chance to try out new equipment, drill for fighting and make sure everything was ready for Pennsic, two weeks later. Elizabeth could kick herself. William was a general. Of course he would be there! She knew she could not repair the relationship between them. Of that, she had not the smallest hope. But if she could talk to him, she could apologize for what she said, perhaps he could forgive her, and if there was still a chance, she might even be able to help Jane and Charles.

"Aunt Maddy, I'd love to go!" she said in a stronger voice. It would be hard, apologizing to William, but at least it was something she could do. Her active nature reasserted itself now that she had a plan, and she found her good humor slowly returning.