“Well, Jane, Lizzy, I think there are things you have to tell us!” The seriousness in Mrs. Gardiner’s tone surprised their nieces, even if both had understood that their aunt was aware of their disappearances and not very pleased by them.

“Yes, Aunt, what do you wish to know?” Jane’s soft voice was barely audible over the carriage rolling noise.

Mr. Gardiner tried to alleviate some of his wife’s anger, a cross Madeline was too difficult to handle for an after-ball! “Well, Jane, where did you go with Mr.Bingley and what happened? As for you Lizzy, you spent most of the first set and an equal share of the second out of the ball-room, and apparently with Mr. Darcy. The same questions apply to you and you also have to explain yourself on the reason of the length of your absence.”

Elizabeth knew that most of her aunt’s wrath was due to her behaviour and she didn’t want Jane to take the blame on her – well not all of it anyway! Eyes cast downwards, not that the light in the carriage would have made one perceive that, she started. “I believe I should start first as I feel my offence to decorum was much stronger than Jane’s…”

“So you admit it! You know you didn’t behave with propriety!”

Patting his wife’s hand, Mr. Gardiner interfered. “Hush Maddie, give her a chance to explain herself.”

“Yes Aunt, I admit it. I must say though that I didn’t do anything I have to be ashamed of! It is just that, as I could not but offence propriety, I chose the way that, in my view, was the least evil.”

Mrs. Gardiner was really upset with Lizzy but the main reason was not a real suspicion of shameful behaviour. Indeed, she was above all disappointed with her, as she had the highest opinion of her. Her last answer tended to prove that she had not acted on the whim of the moment but, on the opposite, had thoughtfully decided that this course of action was the most adequate to the situation. Her ill-temper faded to be replaced by inquisitive curiosity.

“And, pray, tell me how disappearing with a gentleman who’s nothing at all to you, instead of remaining in full view of the assembly could be ‘the least evil’?”

“First, you must concede that Mr. Darcy and I are barely on civil terms and, therefore, hardly in an ambiguous relationship. Moreover, our disappearance went probably completely unnoticed. It was the first set, the crowd was so dense and I’m completely unknown…”

“Well, Maddie, even you just noticed that Lizzie was not dancing any longer without knowing what had happened to her!”

“Yes but you did notice. And if Lizzy is not known, Mr. Darcy is quite a figure of the society. His leaving with an unknown lady is probably something every Mama notices. I’m really not sure your conclusion was the good one, Lizzy!

“Moreover, even if I’m not surprised by your description of your relationship with that gentleman, the more I observe him, the more I disagree with you. He has been very attentive to you before the beginning of the ball, he made you the honour of standing with you for the first set – and his sister’s best friend was by his side when he asked – and, after you came back, he didn’t dance one other dance but looked a great deal at you, while you were!”

“I’m sure he did! He seems to find great satisfaction in finding faults in everything my family or I do!”

“Lizzy! You’re very unfair. That he may have found faults in some of your sisters is something I find understandable! But I think he doesn’t watch you with a prejudiced eye and I’m sure he doesn’t have any prejudice against us. Since I met him, he has been more than civil and I think both of us enjoyed our intercourse.”

“Your uncle is absolutely right. Even though he knows whose daughter I am, he has been almost charming with me. We’ve entertained each other with our favourite places around Lambton and Pemberley, we’ve discussed about the people we both know, about the countryside and its changes, and not once I’ve felt that I am a former Lambton merchant’s daughter and he, the master of Pemberley!”

“And moreover, Lizzy, I can tell you that when I announced him you’d be coming to offer comfort to Jane, he behaved very strangely.”

A thoughtful-about-the-previous-comments Jane and a sill-unbelieving Lizzy frowned at this.

“Yes, Lizzy. It was in the library, at home, the morning Mr. Bingley came. You know he came with him and, to be frank, he and I made most of the conversation… Mr. Bingley was… unusually not talkative… Even then – and it was the first time he and I met – he behaved very civilly. But, very unexpectedly, when I mentioned that you’d be arriving soon, he got still, seemed to fight an inner battle and then got to resemble the proud and stern Mr. Darcy you had always described us…”

“We’ll let you think on all this Lizzy, there may be another explanation than him admiring you, but you can see that your first two points are not very strong ones!”

It took some time before Lizzy resumed. “Anyway, I really didn’t have any choice. Our conversation was not a peaceful one…” She had some difficulty to re-enter the debate but eventually, recalling their dance, she let a small ironic breath escape and went on. “I had more and more difficulty in restraining myself from bursting with anger.”

Jane had remained mute for long but she felt strongly the fact that they had been arguing about them. “Lizzy, I still cannot understand how Mr. Darcy and you can still quarrel about something which now belongs to the past and which has ended in the most satisfying way!”

“Really?”, a chorus replied.

“Oh no, no!” Jane’s blush came in full force.

“One momentarily saved Jane! We’re arrived!” Mr. Gardiner’s tone was as jovial as the late hour would allow it. “But don’t hope to flee to your room! Please, come to the drawing-room with us!”

Lizzy kept her eyes on Jane to try to guess what she would tell to their aunt and uncle. That he had not proposed, she knew for sure. That they had searched for a quiet place, she was quite convinced of. The only question remaining was if his object in escaping the crowd was only his proposing to Jane. She was fairly sure that, as impulsive as he was, he could have planned a proposal, but then she had heard that remote places in ball were not only seeked for that kind of speech... or for any kind of speech as it was.

Jane’s worries were of a slightly close nature. She knew why she had followed Mr. Bingley to the greenhouse and she was not ready, not ready at all, to divulge that her aunt and uncle. Even saying it to Lizzy was a scaring thought, although a quite tempting one also! Her sister and she had often talked about love and marriage, even children of theirs, but they had never entered such daring conversation.

She didn’t need to worry as, as soon as they were settled in the drawing-room, Mrs. Gardiner took the conversation where it had been left.

“So Jane, has he proposed or not?”

Jane presented a shy smile to her aunt. “No, Aunt, he hasn’t.”

“May I add something, Jane?”

Jane knew what her sister was ready to reveal and it did serve her purpose. While nodding, she promised to herself to be completely honest with Lizzy and confess, as soon as she would be able to, what had been her motivation.

Shamefully, Lizzy answered. “Aunt, Uncle, I believe that Jane and Mr. Bingley found Mr. Darcy and me before Mr. Bingley could propose. Jane, I apologise... Please forgive me… Had I heeded your good advice, I would have forgiven him and this whole situation would not have happened.”

All could hear the actual sorrow in Lizzy’s voice. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner knew that their nieces had matters to address without witness and they silently agreed to retire for the night. Jane was ashamed as she felt that her concealment caused pain to her dear sister.

“Jane, I believe you’ll be a very happy lady soon. I think I’ll expect a call tomorrow from a gentleman we know!”

“Indeed, you should expect it, Maddie! I feel that that young gentleman is nothing if strongly determined to have the honour to call our Jane his wife.” With a loving smile, he bade his nieces good night, followed by his not less smiling spouse.

“Shall we go upstairs too, Jane?”

“Yes Lizzy… Lizzy, I’ve things to tell you. Do you mind if we…”

Lizzy smiled, took her sister’s hand and led her to the staircase. “Not at all, Jane, not at all…”

A few moments after, Lizzy was untying her hair when she heard soft knocks and bade her sister to enter. Jane took the brush she was holding and said to her reflection in the mirror:

“Let me do it, will you?”

“Jane you seem troubled. What is it? Are you angry with me because I prevented your Mr. Bingley to propose tonight? I’d understand if you were! I’m so sorry!” Lizzy tried to turn around but Jane wouldn’t allow it.

“Lizzy, please, how could I be angry with you? You don’t have to apologise! That’s what making me so uneasy!” Although her sister was staring at her, Jane replied without raising her look. She diligently untangled her hair, her eyes never leaving it.

“Dear Jane, please, you’ve lost me. He had taken you in a remote place to propose, that’s for sure. You and him finding Mr. Darcy and me prevented you two to find that remote place, that’s also for sure…” She stopped as her sister had been shaking her head almost since the beginning of her reply. She was obviously not close to the truth, Jane had to tell what was troubling her.

Her attention was even more intent on her task. “Lizzy, when we were dancing… I can’t explain it, Lizzy… I’ve never felt such things… And not only when we’re dancing… Even when we’re not touching… I… I feel heat course through my whole body… And it’s… pleasant… More than pleasant…” Eventually, she raised her eyes to her sister’s in the glass. Lizzy had been staring at her the whole time, witnessing her evident trouble, witnessing the flush that didn’t seem to leave her cheeks. Could it be…? Could Jane…? Lizzy was torn between chuckling at her sister’s unease and pretending not to understand. She didn’t feel so foreign herself to such troubling thoughts and, considering her current relationship with the gentleman involved, she really didn’t welcome them. But honesty and straightforwardness were some of the essentials of her character; as painful as it could be for her, she would try and ease her sister’s current mood. She got up, took Jane’s hand, led her to her bed and made them settle on it. Without releasing her hand, but trying to catch her sister’s eye, she started, her tone equal and rational.

“Jane, should I understand you didn’t escape the crowded ball-room with your Mr. Bingley to receive a proposal?” Jane only nodded.

“And I’m also not supposed to believe you were ill in any way, am I?” Jane shook her head.

She frowned without any censure; just expressing her strong but unbelieving suspicion that what she was going to say was, indeed, the truth. “Jane, do you try to tell me that you escaped the crowded ball-room to… enjoy more of your Mr. Bingley than his smile and his compliments?” By the end, she couldn’t repress a teasing smile.

Jane was absolutely still but her whole countenance asserted her sister’s supposition. Her head was downcast, her shoulders hunched, her hand limp in Lizzy’s. That’s where Lizzy started to reanimate her sister. She kept squeezing it until she got a squeeze back. Lizzy’s smile had gone to a more condoling one but it still reflected amusement and no blame.

“Jane, look at me!” Once their eyes had locked, she went on. “Jane, why are you so upset? I, for one, am sure you didn’t… enjoy… anything… so there is no action to be ashamed of!”

“I beg your pardon, Lizzy, but I willingly followed him to the greenhouse for that purpose! That is an action, is it not?”

“It is an action. As for it being a reason for shame, I cannot tell. I most certainly know not your Mr. Bingley as well as you do, but I somehow cannot believe he would behave so wantonly.”

At this, she saw her sister going back to stillness. “Jane! What is the matter? I just meant that he probably led you in a quieter place for a most gentlemanly demand.”

This didn’t stir her sister. “Jane, I watched him when our parties met at the beginning of the ball. He was even more attentive to you than usual. This hand-kissing, in front of everybody! Add that to his inviting you to leave the ball-room after the first set… I am convinced that he meant to propose.”

Her sister’s face had turned from blank to horror.

“Are you really sure?”

“I’m most definitely certain that’s what he was going to answer when Mr. Darcy asked him why you had come to the winter garden.” She really didn’t fathom Jane’s behaviour and was getting more and more worried. “Good G-d! What is the matter? You love him, he loves you, he proposes, that’s the way it has to be. What is it with you?”

“Lizzy, you don’t understand…”. She choked on her sobs. “I didn’t go there to receive a proposal… I went there because… because… I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to kiss me, to touch me…”

“Well, I had gathered that!”

“And you tell me that he didn’t! That makes me a wanton woman. I was ready... no eager… to welcome his kisses while he was eager to propose! Oh, I’m so ashamed of myself!” She couldn’t hold back her tears.

“Jane! You mustn’t see it that way! I’m sure he wouldn’t, if he knew! You have an understanding. That’s not as binding as a formal engagement but that’s enough for a gentleman such as he to feel officially betrothed. Do you try to tell me that, would such agreement have not existed between you, you would have followed him out of everyone’s sight?”

With her sister’s sensible words, Jane had regained some of her quiet. ”No, of course no.”

“And had you not encountered us, would you have taken the lead in a more… physical contact?”

Recalling her eventual non-covering of his hand with hers, she answered, in an almost cheerful tone: “No, of course no!”

“So I confirm, I see no reason to be ashamed.”

“But even if I acted not, I thought about it!”

“And I sometimes think of scolding mother or injuring Mr. Darcy. I’m not proud of that, but as long as I don’t carry through, I’m more amused than ashamed. Though, I’m ashamed to have been the unwilling impediment that prevented your Mr. Bingley and you to carry through!”

Jane answered as Lizzy had foreseen. “Oh, Lizzy! Do not say such a thing! I must say that finding the two of you arguing there was the most astounding moment of the evening, but I’ve already grant you forgiveness, so you shouldn’t worry…” On feeling her smile on her lips, Jane felt glad, once again, to have such a sister. She wished she could help her in return.

“Lizzy… I’m also sorry that you took our aunt’s blame for the two of us… All the more as my intentions were not as pure as you all made them!”

“I honestly feel my leaving un-chaperonned with Mr. Darcy was highly more to be censured; even if I strongly disagree with our aunt and uncle’s opinion on the gentleman’s attitude.” Witnessing her sister’s negation, she went on: “I’m not talking of his non existent haughtiness and his no-longer-to-be-blamed part he played in separating you and your Mr. Bingley. I’m talking about… some attentions he would more willingly bestow on me than on other ladies of his acquaintance…”

“Well, I have no opinion on that. I must say I have not been very attentive to other gentlemen lately…” She blushed once again but smiled at Lizzy’s chuckle. “But what I can say is that he’s really changed, and for the best!”

Exhausted by their eventful evening and their late conversation, the sisters separated soon after. Although Jane embraced Morpheus as soon as she settled on her bed, Lizzy tossed and turned for a while before enjoying a well-deserved slumber. Somehow, memories of her body against Mr. Darcy’s kept twirling into her mind and her Guardian Angel softly giggled, noticing that she had eventually fallen asleep holding her pillow very closely against her.

Sow Potatoes, See What you Shall Reap, Chapter 19